He felt ill and unmanned. Tears tingled behind his eyes. He refused to
shed them. They seemed to scald his brain. He didn’t care whether he
lived or died. He’d given so much; he’d planned such kindness; he’d
dreamed with such persistent courage. The thanks he had received was
“Nothing.”
He found his way out on deck and leant across the rail. A gang-plank had
been lowered to his right. Passengers came swarming up it, laughing with
their friends--diners from Broadway who were speeding the parting guest.
Some of them seemed to be dancing; the rhythm of the rag-time was
in their steps. For the most part they were in evening-dress. The
opera-cloaks and wraps of women flew back, exposing their throats and
breasts. He twisted his mouth into a bitter smile. They employed their
breasts for ornament, not for motherhood. They were all alike.
He had lost count of time while standing there. His eyes brooded
sullenly through the drifting snow on the sullen water and the broken
lights. Shouted warnings that the ship was about to sail were growing
rare. The tardiest of the visitors were being hurried down the
gang-plank. Sailors stood ready to cast away and put up the rail.
There was a commotion. Hazily he became aware of it A girl had
become hysterical. She seemed alone; which was odd, for she was in
evening-dress. She was explaining, almost crying, and wringing her
hands. She was doing her best to force her way on deck; a steward and a
man in uniform were turning her back.
Suddenly he realized. He was fighting towards her through the crowd. He
had his hand on the steward’s shoulder. “Damn you. Don’t touch her.”
The ship’s eyes were on them. His arms went about her.
“I couldn’t stop away,” she whispered. “I had to come at the last
moment. I was almost too late. I’ve been a little beast all day. I want
to hear you say you forgive me, Teddy.”
He was thinking quickly.
“You’ve come by yourself?”
“I slipped away from a party. Nobody knows.”
“You can’t go back alone. I’ll come with you. I’m not sailing.”
She laughed breathlessly. “But your luggage!”
“Hang my luggage.”
She took his face between her hands as though no one was watching.
“Meester Deek, I shouldn’t have come if I’d thought it would make you a
coward.”
“A coward, but------”
She rested her cheek against his face. “Your mother’s expecting you.
And--and we’ll meet so very soon.”
“Give me something,” he implored her; “something for remembrance.”
She looked down at herself. What could she give him? “Your little curl.”
“But it’s false.”
“But it’s dear,” he murmured.
An officer touched him. He glanced across his shoulder and nodded. This,
then, was the end.
He drew her closer. “I can’t tell you. I never have told you. In all
these months I’ve told you nothing.--I love you. I love you.--Your lips
just once, Princess.”
Her obedient mouth lay against his own. Her lips were motionless. She
slipped from him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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