Litvinov sat down on a high chest, and hid his face. A feminine
fragrance, fresh and delicate, clung about him.... Irina had held his
hand in her hands. ‘It’s too much, too much,’ was his thought. The
little girl came into the room, and smiling again in response to his
agitated glance, said:
‘Kindly come, now----’
He got up, and went out of the hotel. It was no good even to think of
returning home: he had to regain his balance first. His heart was
beating heavily and unevenly; the earth seemed faintly reeling under his
feet. Litvinov turned again along the Lichtenthaler Allee. He realised
that the decisive moment had come, that to put it off longer, to
dissemble, to turn away, had become impossible, that an explanation with
Tatyana had become inevitable; he could imagine how she was sitting
there, never stirring, waiting for him ... he could foresee what he
would say to her; but how was he to act, how was he to begin? He had
turned his back on his upright, well-organised, orderly future; he knew
that he was flinging himself headlong into a gulf ... but that did not
confound him. The thing was done, but how was he to face his judge? And
if only his judge would come to meet him--an angel with a flaming sword;
that would be easier for a sinning heart ... instead of which he had
himself to plunge the knife in.... Infamous! But to turn back, to
abandon that other, to take advantage of the freedom offered him,
recognised as his.... No! better to die! No, he would have none of such
loathsome freedom ... but would humble himself in the dust, and might
those eyes look down on him with love....
‘Grigory Mihalitch,’ said a melancholy voice, and some one’s hand was
laid heavily upon Litvinov.
He looked round in some alarm and recognised Potugin.
‘I beg your pardon, Grigory Mihalitch,’ began the latter with his
customary humility, ‘I am disturbing you perhaps, but, seeing you in
the distance, I thought.... However if you’re not in the humour....’
‘On the contrary I’m delighted,’ Litvinov muttered between his teeth.
Potugin walked beside him.
‘What a lovely evening!’ he began, ‘so warm! Have you been walking
long?’
‘No, not long.’
‘Why do I ask though; I’ve just seen you come out of the _Hôtel de
l’Europe_.’
‘Then you’ve been following me?’
‘Yes.’
‘You have something to say to me?’
‘Yes,’ Potugin repeated, hardly audibly.
Litvinov stopped and looked at his uninvited companion. His face was
pale, his eyes moved restlessly; his contorted features seemed
overshadowed by old, long-standing grief.
‘What do you specially want to say to me?’ Litvinov said slowly, and he
moved forward.
‘Ah, with your permission ... directly. If it’s all the same to you, let
us sit down here on this seat. It will be most convenient.’
‘Why, this is something mysterious,’ Litvinov declared, seating himself
near him. ‘You don’t seem quite yourself, Sozont Ivanitch.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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