‘Why did I say that to her?’ Litvinov thought the next morning as he sat
in his room at the window. He shrugged his shoulders in vexation: he had
said that to Tatyana simply to cut himself off all way of retreat. In
the window lay a note from Irina: she asked him to see her at twelve.
Potugin’s words incessantly recurred to his mind, they seemed to reach
him with a faint ill-omened sound as of a rumbling underground. He was
angry with himself, but could not get rid of them anyhow. Some one
knocked at the door.
‘_Wer da?_’ asked Litvinov.
‘Ah! you’re at home! open!’ he heard Bindasov’s hoarse bass.
The door handle creaked.
Litvinov turned white with exasperation.
‘I’m not at home,’ he declared sharply.
‘Not at home? That’s a good joke!’
‘I tell you--not at home, get along.’
‘That’s civil! And I came to ask you for a little loan,’ grumbled
Bindasov.
He walked off, however, tramping on his heels as usual.
Litvinov was all but dashing out after him, he felt such a longing to
throttle the hateful ruffian. The events of the last few days had
unstrung his nerves; a little more, and he would have burst into tears.
He drank off a glass of cold water, locked up all the drawers in the
furniture, he could not have said why, and went to Tatyana’s.
He found her alone. Kapitolina Markovna had gone out shopping. Tatyana
was sitting on the sofa, holding a book in both hands. She was not
reading it, and scarcely knew what book it was. She did not stir, but
her heart was beating quickly in her bosom, and the little white collar
round her neck quivered visibly and evenly.
Litvinov was confused.... However, he sat down by her, said
good-morning, smiled at her; she too smiled at him without speaking. She
had bowed to him when he came in, bowed courteously, not affectionately,
and she did not glance at him. He held out his hand to her; she gave him
her chill fingers, but at once freed them again, and took up the book.
Litvinov felt that to begin the conversation with unimportant subjects
would be insulting Tatyana; she after her custom made no demands, but
everything in her said plainly, ‘I am waiting, I am waiting.’... He must
fulfil his promise. But though almost the whole night he had thought of
nothing else, he had not prepared even the first introductory words, and
absolutely did not know in what way to break this cruel silence.
‘Tanya,’ he began at last, ‘I told you yesterday that I have something
important to say to you. I am ready, only I beg you beforehand not to be
angry against me, and to rest assured that my feelings for you....’
He stopped. He caught his breath. Tatyana still did not stir, and did
not look at him; she only clutched the book tighter than ever.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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