Litvinov sank back, while Irina moved staggering to a seat, and fell on
it, to the immense astonishment of a supernumerary diplomatic official
who chanced to be lounging about the railway station. He was slightly
acquainted with Irina, and greatly admired her, and seeing that she lay
as though overcome by faintness, he imagined that she had ‘_une attaque
de nerfs_,’ and therefore deemed it his duty, the duty _d’un galant
chevalier_, to go to her assistance. But his astonishment assumed far
greater proportions when, at the first word addressed to her, she
suddenly got up, repulsed his proffered arm, and hurrying out into the
street, had in a few instants vanished in the milky vapour of fog, so
characteristic of the climate of the Black Forest in the early days of
autumn.
XXVI
We happened once to go into the hut of a peasant-woman who had just lost
her only, passionately loved son, and to our considerable astonishment
we found her perfectly calm, almost cheerful. ‘Let her be,’ said her
husband, to whom probably our astonishment was apparent, ‘she is gone
numb now.’ And Litvinov had in the same way ‘gone numb.’ The same sort
of calm came over him during the first few hours of the journey. Utterly
crushed, hopelessly wretched as he was, still he was at rest, at rest
after the agonies and sufferings of the last few weeks, after all the
blows which had fallen one after another upon his head. They had been
the more shattering for him that he was little fitted by nature for such
tempests. Now he really hoped for nothing, and tried not to remember,
above all not to remember. He was going to Russia ... he had to go
somewhere; but he was making no kind of plans regarding his own
personality. He did not recognise himself, he did not comprehend his
own actions, he had positively lost his real identity, and, in fact, he
took very little interest in his own identity. Sometimes it seemed to
him that he was taking his own corpse home, and only the bitter spasms
of irremediable spiritual pain passing over him from time to time
brought him back to a sense of still being alive. At times it struck him
as incomprehensible that a man--a man!--could let a woman, let love,
have such power over him ... ‘Ignominious weakness!’ he muttered, and
shook back his cloak, and sat up more squarely; as though to say, the
past is over, let’s begin fresh ... a moment, and he could only smile
bitterly and wonder at himself. He fell to looking out of the window. It
was grey and damp; there was no rain, but the fog still hung about; and
low clouds trailed across the sky. The wind blew facing the train;
whitish clouds of steam, some singly, others mingled with other darker
clouds of smoke, whirled in endless file past the window at which
Litvinov was sitting. He began to watch this steam, this smoke.
Incessantly mounting, rising and falling, twisting and hooking on to the
grass, to the bushes as though in sportive antics, lengthening out, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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