The choice of the sexes in marriage is in great part an expression of
the values prevalent in the social group at large. It is impracticable
to separate the individual judgment from that of society. This is
evidently true where, as is so widely the case, marriages are based on
wealth, social position, or success in any of the forms admired by the
group. The valuation of a suitor, in the mind of a girl’s family, and
even in the mind of the girl herself, is largely a function of his
valuation by other people, and the same is true for the woman, whose
reputation, wealth, and capacity as a housewife are important factors in
her desirability. Even in the matter of sexual attraction there is a
large conventional element. We know how women are dazzled by prestige
and position on the part of men, while “style” and the like are almost
equally effective in their own case. The sexual emotions function in
connection with the mind as a whole, and that is moulded by the general
mind of the group. It is certain, however, that although sexual value is
largely an institutional value there is also a factor of immediate human
nature in it. I mean that there are, on both sides, vague but powerful
elements of sex attraction that spring from instinct and are little
subject to convention. It is hard to say just what these are, but we all
feel them in the other sex, and no one doubts that they come from an
immemorial evolution.
The tendency of the modern movement toward individuality and personal
choice has been to give freer play to preference in the man and woman
who are to marry, increasing the influence of the human-nature values
and rendering marriage, on the whole, more intimate and congenial. This
ought to make for the propagation of manly types of men and womanly
types of women, types strongly vital and sexual after their several
kinds. It really seems to work in this way, though the vagaries of
personal choice may often be inscrutable.
It is still true, however, that the outcome must depend much upon the
state of the public mind. If marriage is generally felt to be a social
institution, with grave public functions, so that everything connected
with it is judged by its bearing on the welfare of the next generation,
if heredity is regarded and the need of economic support given due
weight, without excluding those intuitions which the young may be
trusted not to neglect, then the better types ought to be chosen. But if
marriage is hasty and frivolous, if the prevalent opinion regards it as
a mere matter of personal gratification, if a child is looked upon as a
nuisance or a pet, then the biological outlook, as well as the social,
is bad. Which of these descriptions more nearly applies to our society I
leave the reader to judge; it is certain that we need to do all we can
to make the former true.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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