England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Social aspects -- England -- Fiction
"But you _must_," Mark said--and it was a tremendous concession to
sentimentality--"take enough to make you comfortable."
"By God!" Christopher exclaimed. "I loathe your whole beastly buttered
toast, mutton-chopped, carpet-slippered, rum-negused comfort as much as
I loathe your beastly Riviera-palaced, chauffeured, hydraulic-lifted,
hot-house aired beastliness of fornication. . . ." He was carried away,
as he seldom let himself be, by the idea of his amours with Valentine
Wannop which should take place on the empty boards of a cottage, without
draperies, fat meats, gummy aphrodisiacs. . . . "You won't," he
repeated, "be a penny the poorer by me."
Mark said:
"Well, you needn't get shirty about it. If you won't you won't. We'd
better move on. You've only just time. We'll say that settles it. . . .
Are you, or aren't you, overdrawn at your bank? I'll make that up,
whatever you damn well do to stop it."
"I'm not overdrawn," Christopher said. "I'm over thirty pounds in
credit, and I've an immense overdraft guaranteed by Sylvia. It was a
mistake of the bank's."
Mark hesitated for a moment. It was to him almost unbelievable that a
bank could make a mistake. One of the great banks. The props of England.
They were walking down towards the embankment. With his precious
umbrella Mark aimed a violent blow at the railings above the tennis
lawns, where whitish figures, bedrabbled by the dim atmosphere, moved
like marionettes practising crucifixions.
"By God!" he said, "this is the last of England. . . . There's only my
department where they never make mistakes. I tell you, if there were any
mistakes made there there would be some backs broken!" He added: "But
don't you think that I'm going to give up comfort, I'm not. My Charlotte
makes better buttered toast than they can at the club. And she's got a
tap of French rum that's saved my life over and over again after a
beastly wet day's racing. And she does it all on the five hundred I give
her and keeps herself clean and tidy on top of it. Nothing like a
Frenchwoman for managing. . . . By God, I'd marry the doxy if she wasn't
a Papist. It would please her and it wouldn't hurt me. But I couldn't
stomach marrying a Papist. They're not to be trusted."
"You'll have to stomach a Papist coming into Groby," Christopher said.
"My son's to be brought up as a Papist."
Mark stopped and dug his umbrella into the ground.
"Eh, but that's a bitter one," he said. "Whatever made ye do that? . . .
I suppose the mother made you do it. She tricked you into it before you
married her." He added: "I'd not like to sleep with that wife of yours.
She's too athletic. It'd be like sleeping with a bundle of faggots. I
suppose though you're a pair of turtle doves. . . . Eh, but I'd not have
thought ye would have been so weak."
"I only decided this morning," Christopher said, "when my cheque was
returned from the bank. You won't have read Spelden on Sacrilege, about
Groby."
"I can't say I have," Mark answered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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