An English Barbarian once told me that these creatures, in tricks of plunder and cheating, surpass the Lawyers; in truth, the fashion is to show respect to the dead by a lavish expenditure in _black draperies_, and is almost wholly confined to that. It is an object to speak of the _cost_ as a measure of that respect! The whole thing being a _sham_, though a most disagreeable one, the Undertaker sees well enough that he might as well pocket a large sum as a small one. A certain sum is to be spent, _for respect_, not for any tangible thing. The Undertaker takes care to furnish more _respect_ than anything more tangible--and to charge for it! In fact, the mode of plunder is reduced to a system; and it just as well satisfies the real purpose--which is, to do all that is customary, and to submit to all the customary cheating. After the family have really got rid of the Undertaker, then comes the Lawyer, with the Bonze, to read the _Will_ of the deceased. This is a new departure (as the English call it) in the family voyage of life. The Barbarian law is so erratic and confused, that no one knows what the dead man may have ordered to be done with his _money_. His Land goes probably to the eldest son, or nearest male relative; and, if it be all the property, younger children may be left quite beggared. The Will begins with some absurd superstitious _formula_; and, prepared by a Lawyer, is only intelligible to him. He, therefore, is present to read and to explain. For no one is supposed to comprehend its jargon but the _initiated_. The Will is read, therefore, to those who only imperfectly catch its meaning; and when a _name_ is reached, the party listens with an eager attention. He may be one who, by nearness of blood, or by the nature of his relations with the deceased, expects to receive a handsome gift. When he, at length, from the mass of verbiage, dimly gathers only a _gold ring_ or a gold-headed _walking-stick_, and sees some one, scarcely heard of, carry off the goods long waited for, he scarcely appreciates the _loving token of regard_ ostentatiously bestowed upon him! Nor is his smothered rage extinguished by the satisfactory expression of other relatives, who whisper, "Well, _he_ cringed and fawned to little purpose after all!" From this Reading of the Will begins a new era in the family. Quarrels there may have been, but a common centre of influence and interest kept the contestants in order. But now, nobody satisfied (or only those who expected nothing, and _got it_), all are in a mood to attack any one, to charge somebody with meanness, with treachery. So bitter animosities spring up. Lawsuits, hatreds; families are severed; old friendships sundered; the lawyers stimulate the broils; and, at last, very likely the Will and all the property covered by it get into Chancery! When I have said this, I have said quite clearly, even to the Barbarian mind, that _here_ all are equally wretched and equally impoverished, excepting the Lawyers!