All was a wreck: And in the front seat sat the Gallagher And laughed until he cried. Revenge is sweet! A TALE OF IDAHO When they had finished the ethnology, And polished up the climate and the crops, And glorified the different kinds of bugs, And told in turn their lies about the snakes, And fish and deer and things, of Idaho, A pensive cuss in spectacles inquired, “All this is well enough; now how about Your educational facilities? And let me see in dots the time they go.” “And that’s the only thing we really lack,” Replied the Ancient, with a silvery sigh; “We do defect in _that_ ostensibly. We have the schools, but then we cannot git The folks to run ’em, or who will remain Adjacent to ’em, for they will not keep.” “How!—do they _die_?” “Wall, some on ’em expired, Though Idaho ain’t an expirin’ State; But I will tell you just the time they go. “We had a fine young fellow from the East; He licked the boys, and also kissed the gals, And was all round uncommon popular, Bein’ likewise an awful fightin’ man, And there he _did_ slop over. For one day He met a grizzly bar upon the prowl, And whistled to it, and the grizzly _come_; But when he went he carried by express All of that fine young man inside of him; And that is just about the time they go. “We had another from Connecticut: A widder run him down, and married him Inside the very school-house where he taught, Just as an Injun cooks a terrapin In its own shell, or as a lovely deer Is sometimes aboriginally biled Inside of its own skin, for that poor man Has been in bilin’ water ever sense: They say she makes it solemn hot for him. And that is just about the time they go. “The third was well enough, but he was lame; I needn’t tell you how _that_ one got spiled; For sense he couldn’t run, one day, of course, The Injuns overtook him, and the way They treated him was pretty nigh as bad As if they had been widders, and that man Their lawful spouse. They also made it hot, Because they took and briled him at the stake. And that is just about the time they go. “Then we tried women-folks to keep the school. We writ for one. She came; and as she lit Down from the stage, a man proposed to her And was accepted, and she married him That very night; in fact, within an hour He gin a party, and we had a dance; But Education suffered all the same, As she declined to teach, bein’ inclined To conjugate—excuse my little joke; But that is just about the time they go.