Then Brother Chunk, of Pewterville, declared that it was sad To have to state that Jones had no idea the dog was mad, And that in circles where he moved ’twas very freely said He’d picked it up intending to come out one dog ahead. Then the next case reported in the doings of the day Was that of Huckleberry Pod, a man in Iowa, Who slopped into a raging flood to save a drowning maid, And did it like a beaver, as admiring neighbours said. Then Brother Chunk again let down his fist with startling bump, And said he’d found that Mr. Pod refused to make the jump Till offered fifty dollars by the people of the town, And that then he wouldn’t do it till he got the money down. Last of all we heard the instance of Golias Purple Fife, Who went into an awful well to save a fellow’s life, A man who always spoke of Fife as of a blooming fool, And who recently had done him blind in trading for a mule; And on top of this, moreover, in addition, ’twas a fact, He refused a quarter-dollar for this noble manly act, And when they asked him what he’d drink, or if he’d take a bite, He jumped in silence on his mule and rode into the night. This case, in the opinion of the members of the club, Was much the most deserving, and the nearest to the hub; And each allowed he’d never heard the like in all his life, So, by general acclamation, they bestowed the prize on Fife:— A silver-plated snuff-box, with a compass in the lid, With the words, “_If sold at auction always do as you are bid_,” Which we sent him in a hurry ere it might be understood That this, too, was not an instance of the pure unmingled good. And these are the proceedings of these noble-minded seeds, Who make it their profession to discover virtuous deeds; And every day turns out a lot, but still ’tis on our mind That a case without a speck in it is very hard to find. THE COLOURED FORTUNE-HUNTER Pete Jonsing went to see the County Clerk About a marriage license, and the man Said unto him for fun, but seriously: “I hope the bride possesses fifty cents, Because the Legislature’s passed a law That any girl with less must not be wed.” “Jis’ go ahead wid dat ’ar paper, Boss,” Peter replied; then whispered, bending down: “Dar’s rumers—and dey is reliable— Dat de young woman dat I’m goin’ fur Has got two dollars and a quarter—_shoa_. And dat’s de reason wy I marries her.” PENN ON A TEXT BY ROBERT BURDETTE