Not even good to drink! There was nothing like this in Holy Russia. God
would never have allowed it. The uselessness of this sea had always
been to him a source of perplexity and even vague apprehension. The
spectacle of this shining immensity troubled his world-scheme. Why did
God create water, when land would have been so much more useful? Often
had he puzzled on the subject.... Why?
But now, in the evening of his life and the extremity of his anguish,
the truth was made manifest. A Revelation drew nigh. It just came to
him.
The fishes.
It was a dying gleam of intelligence, his last inspired thought, his
swan-song. How else could the fishes live save in the water? All these
long years he had remained ignorant of the truth. Ah, if only his
disciples were at hand, to jot it down into that GOLDEN BOOK!
But why--why must the fishes live in water? And why so much water for so
few fishes? Why cannot fishes live on land? Then everybody would be
satisfied. Inscrutable are the ways of God....
And his glazed eye moved wearily from that disquieting expanse of blue
along the wall of his chamber which had once been white and was now
scrawled over with obscene jests and drawings, product of the leisure
hours of generations of prisoners. The writing, like all writing, was
unintelligible to him. But some of the artistic efforts left little to
the imagination. He was saddened, less by homely pictures than by the
unfamiliar script. He had always distrusted the written word. Why all
these strange letterings--so unnecessary, so dangerous to the life of an
orthodox Christian? What one brother has to tell another--why write it
down?
He saw the straw pallet destined for his nocturnal repose. It reminded
him dimly of a similar resting-place during his monastic life. Then,
too, he had slept on a couch near the floor. Flickering visions came to
him of those days, so long ago, ere yet the First Revelation was given
to the world. A breath of old Russia was wafted into his nostrils. He
remembered the lusty, jovial country folk, the songs and dances at
hay-making, the fragrance of the land, the sluggish rivers rolling
their brown mud about the plains, the mild long-drawn evenings. He felt
again that all-pervading charm of sadness, of tender yearning, that
hangs in the pale Russian sky and penetrates to the very soul of the
endless country.
Gloomy autumn days--wet leaves and lowering horizons. The long winter
within doors. Faces appeared to him, faces of old, an endless
procession of faces clear-cut as ever ... his brother monks, bearded
and unkempt ... debauched acolytes ... pilgrims from the Holy Land
... glittering festal robes ... vodka orgies, endless chants and
litanies, holy lamps burning, somber eikons with staring eyes ... the
smell of greasy lukewarm cabbage soup, of unwashed bodies and boot
leather and incense. Holy Russia--it all moved before his eyes in a kind
of melodious twilight. Then the First Revelation. The Man-God.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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