By the time Denis returned to the grotto a more exuberant and
incoherent tone had been generated among the guests. He was not
pleased. He felt inclined to be stern. A number of reprobates from the
Club had dropped in, and Keith, whom he meant to keep straight for one
night at least, was saying silly things and giving himself away. So was
the excellent Mr. Richards.
"This is a good island," observed that gentleman. "We discourse like
sages and drink like swine. Peace with Honour!... How that old Jew
took our English measure, eh? How he laughed in his sleeve at our
infatuation for a phrase like that. Peace with Honour! The sort of
claptrap that makes a man feel so jolly comfortable inside, so damned
satisfied with everything like after a good deed. And that sentimental
primrose business. Dizzy as flower-expert! What cared he for primroses?
Votes and moneybags was what he was after. But he knew the British
Public. And that accounts for the pious domestic button-hole. Who ever
heard of a Jew telling the difference between a primrose and any other
kind of rose? They're not such blasted fools."
"Excuse me," said Keith, rising from his seat in an afflatus of
inspiration. "Excuse me. I know the difference. It is primarily a
question of nutrition. Glucose! I am a great believer in glucose.
Because, even if it could be proved that the monks of Palaiokastron
stripped the vine of its leaves and thereby hastened the maturing of
the grape without reducing its natural supply of sugar--"
"You don't shine," interrupted Denis, "when you talk like that."
"Because even if this could be proved, which I greatly doubt, yet
nothing on earth will make me believe that glucose is otherwise than
beneficial to vegetation. Because--"
"Do sit down, Keith. You are monopolizing the conversation."
"Because the glucose resides within that verdant foliage like truth in
her well, like the oyster within its pearl. The monks of
Palaiokastron--they got it straight from Noah. I am a great believer in
glucose. Which is absurd. Because--"
"Oh, shut up! You are making a perfect exhibition of yourself. Can't
you oblige me, for once in the way?"
Denis was growing seriously alarmed for the reputation of his friend.
He had changed of late; he was beginning to know his own mind. He meant
to put a stop to this humiliating scene. As the other, regardless of
his pleadings, continued to babble dithyrambic nonsense concerning
glucose and self-fertilization and artificial manures and inflorescence
and Assyrian bas-reliefs and Stilton cheese, he suddenly gripped his
arm and pulled him, with a crash, into his chair.
"Sit down, you double-distilled owl!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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