Soldiers -- Fiction; Southern States -- Fiction; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction
Now that he was sure to die, he seemed to make no more of the fact than
of any other indifferent thing. I do not mean that he was careless of
his fate. He took everything seriously. But facts were to him facts,
and he did not worry over them. He did not think it worth while.
So when he was sentenced to death, he adjusted his blankets in the
proper order so that he might not have a nightmare, and slept the sleep
of the contented.
With all my contempt for Beavers I was sorry that he was to die. There
was something in the reckless character of the man that appealed to me.
Something that made me feel that it was a pity that this abundant life
should be extinguished by a rifle shot.
I had been thinking all night. I had thought of every argument in his
favor. I had searched my mind to see if any point had been neglected.
Early in the night I had gone to Beavers, and asked him for the aid of
suggestion--suggestion that might lead to information. But here again
his habits balked me. He said: “I’m gambling in this case on your
brains.”
I might myself have been willing to do that, but I was gambling with
Beavers’s life for a stake.
Beavers was of course just that kind of man, whom a self-respecting
person feels it his duty to despise; but somehow I could not quite
despise Beavers. His coolness appealed to me strongly. His bravado
seemed a sort of bravery. His readiness to meet the consequences, and
pay the penalties of his own misdeeds, was a thing hard to distinguish
from heroism.
He had no principles, of course. He did not pretend to have any. But
he had certain methods of thought which seemed to serve him in lieu of
principles.
It was just before dawn. I had not slept. As I lay in my tent with
the flaps thrown back, all that was discernible was the rather
spectral-looking tented city with its precise white rows. I had become
so nervous, staring through the dark at the place where I knew the tent
pole to be, that at last I turned out for good. I tightened my belt. It
was our habit to sleep in our clothes--for reasons.
The first gray of the morning touched the camp, and looking down the
row I saw a fragile figure moving from one tent to another, and pausing
occasionally in uncertainty. At first I could not be certain whether
it was a woman or not. Finally the figure straightened up and stood
looking towards the guardhouse; it was that of a woman.
I had not seen a woman in two months.
The camp was silent with that quietude that is so impressive just
before the dawn.
After staring at the guardhouse for a moment, while I stood staring
at her, the woman turned her eyes and we stood looking at each other.
After halting a moment she came staggering up the narrow lane between
the two rows of tents, making a peculiar, nervous movement with her
hands, but saying nothing. She stood for a few moments a little way
from the tent door, clasping and unclasping her hands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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