Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Short stories
April 28.--I have written nothing in my journal for the last week; too
many things have happened, and I have seemed to go through them almost
mechanically. I am already in my new quarters; I have my rooms, near the
library in which I work, in the vast house at Queen's Gate; and I am
already more than half regretting my old flat over Regent's Canal, where
I could be alone from morning to night.
There was no serious question of refusing this most fortunate
opportunity; I had no choice: it was this or nothing, for if I recover
£100 out of the Argonaut, it will be the utmost I have to hope for. The
Baroness is a woman of action; she insisted, she arranged everything,
and I found myself here without having done more than consent to let
things be done for me. Certainly that is a form of arrangement which
suits me, and life here seems to go not less smoothly; I have but to
accept it, not without a certain satisfaction. The Baron must be
enormously rich; there is something almost ostentatious in the display
of gold, silver, and silk. Nothing is simple; the cost of these
expensive things seems as if ticketed upon them; and there are coronets
everywhere. But I, who never seriously thought about money until the
little I had melted away, have never realised what an efficacious oil
can be distilled out of gold for making all the wheels of life go
smoothly. I am treated as one of the family; I profit hardly less than
they from all that I care for in the possession of riches.
And yet, there is something here which weighs upon me; a sort of moral
atmosphere which renders me uneasy. I see clearly, what I had guessed
before, that there is no affection, that there is even a certain degree
of alienation, between the Baron and Baroness. Nothing can be more
polite, but with a sort of enigmatical politeness, which hides I know
not what, than the Baron's manner towards his wife. He is scrupulously,
exaggeratedly, polite towards every one; and his excessive ceremony with
me puts a certain restraint upon me. I imagine that he detests me,
merely from the extreme care with which he tries to convince me of his
amiability. The whole man seems to me false; or, it may be, he has acted
a part so long that the part has fastened itself upon him. His eyes and
his mouth seem never to say the same thing; both guard, as at two
doorways, the thoughts which are at work in his brain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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