Alabama -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction; Domestic fiction; War stories
Scarcely waiting till the door closed after her, the boy exclaimed
passionately:
"Felix! don't call me Felix! That means happy, lucky! and she had no
right to give me such a name. I am Infelix! nobody loves me! nobody
cares for me, except to pity me, and I would rather be strangled than
pitied! I wish I was dead and at rest in Greenwood! I wish somebody
would knock my brains out with my crutch! and save me from hobbling
through life. Even my mother is ashamed of my deformity! She ought to
have treated me as the Spartans did their dwarfs! She ought to have
thrown me into the East River before I was a day old! I wish I was
dead! Oh! I do! I do!"
"Felix, it is very wicked to--"
"I tell you I won't be called Felix. Whenever I hear the name it makes
me feel as I did one day when my crutches slipped on the ice, and I
fell on the pavement before the door, and some newsboys stood and
laughed at me. Infelix Andrews! I want that written on my tombstone
when I am buried."
He trembled from head to foot, and angry tears dimmed his large,
flashing eyes, while Hattie sat with her elbows resting on her knees,
and her chin in her hands, looking sorrowfully at her brother.
Edna put her arm around the boy's shoulder, and drew his head down on
her lap, saying tenderly:
"Your mother did not mean that she was ashamed of her son, but only
grieved and mortified by his ungovernable temper, which made him
disrespectful to her. I know that she is very proud of your fine
intellect, and your ambition to become a thorough scholar, and--"
"Oh! yes, and of my handsome body! and my pretty feet!"
"My dear little boy, it is sinful for you to speak in that way, and God
will punish you if you do not struggle against such feelings."
"I don't see how I can be punished any more than I have been already.
To be a lame dwarf is the worst that can happen."
"Suppose you were poor and friendless--an orphan with no one to care
for you? Suppose you had no dear, good little sister like Hattie to
love you? Now, Felix, I know that the very fact that you are not as
strong and well-grown as most boys of your age, only makes your mother
and all of us love you more tenderly; and it is very ungrateful in you
to talk so bitterly when we are trying to make you happy and good and
useful. Look at little Lila, shut up in silence, unable to speak one
word, or to hear a bird sing or a baby laugh, and yet see how merry and
good-natured she is. How much more afflicted she is than you are!
Suppose she was always fretting and complaining, looking miserable and
sour, and out of humor, do you think you would love her half as well as
you do now?"
He made no reply, but his thin hands covered his sallow face.
Hattie came close to him, sat down on the carpet, and put her head,
thickly crowned with yellow curls, on his knee. Her uncle Grey had
given her a pretty ring the day before, and now she silently and softly
took it from her own finger, and slipped it on her brother's.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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