“Decently? I will. Now look here. When we went into Bideford we met
this ornament of the Sixth--is that decent enough?--hanging about on
the road with a nasty look in his eye. We didn’t know _then_ why he was
so anxious to stop us, _but_ at five minutes to four, when we were in
Yeo’s shop, we saw Tulke in broad daylight, _with_ his house-cap on,
kissin’ an’ huggin’ a woman on the pavement. Is that decent enough for
you?”
“I didn’t--I wasn’t.”
“We saw you!” said Beetle. “And now--I’ll be decent, Carson--you sneak
back with her kisses” (not for nothing had Beetle perused the later
poets) “hot on your lips and call prefects’ meetings, which aren’t
prefects’ meetings, to uphold the honor of the Sixth.” A new and
heaven-cleft path opened before him that instant. “And how do we know,”
he shouted--“how do we know how many of the Sixth are mixed up in this
abominable affair?”
“Yes, that’s what we want to know,” said McTurk, with simple dignity.
“We meant to come to you about it quietly, Carson, but you _would_ have
the meeting,” said Stalky sympathetically.
The Sixth were too taken aback to reply. So, carefully modelling
his rhetoric on King, Beetle followed up the attack, surpassing and
surprising himself, “It--it isn’t so much the cynical immorality of the
biznai, as the blatant indecency of it, that’s so awful. As far as we
can see, it’s impossible for us to go into Bideford without runnin’ up
against some prefect’s unwholesome amours. There’s nothing to snigger
over, Naughten. _I_ don’t pretend to know much about these things--but
it seems to me a chap must be pretty far dead in sin” (that was a
quotation from the school chaplain) “when he takes to embracing his
paramours” (that was Hakluyt) “before all the city” (a reminiscence of
Milton). “He might at least have the decency--you’re authorities on
decency, I believe--to wait till dark. But he didn’t. You didn’t! Oh,
Tulke. You--you incontinent little animal!”
“Here, shut up a minute. What’s all this about, Tulke?” said Carson.
“I--look here. I’m awfully sorry. I never thought Beetle would take this
line.”
“Because--you’ve--no decency--you--thought--I hadn’t,” cried Beetle all
in one breath.
“Tried to cover it all up with a conspiracy, did you?” said Stalky.
“Direct insult to all three of us,” said McTurk. “A most filthy mind you
have, Tulke.”
“I’ll shove you fellows outside the door if you go on like this,” said
Carson angrily.
“That proves it’s a conspiracy,” said Stalky, with the air of a virgin
martyr.
“I--I was goin’ along the street--I swear I was,” cried Tulke, “and--and
I’m awfully sorry about it--a woman came up and kissed me. I swear I
didn’t kiss her.”
There was a pause, filled by Stalky’s long, liquid whistle of contempt,
amazement, and derision.
“On my honor,” gulped the persecuted one. “Oh, do stop him jawing.”
“Very good,” McTurk interjected. “We are compelled, of course, to accept
your statement.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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