Und den she says vile she gries, "Leedle childs, don'd you got some names?" Und dot leedle child shpeaks oud so nice, pless her leedle hard, und says, "Oh! yes. My name dot's Leah, und my papa tells me dot I shall pray for you efery nighd." Oh! my goodnessness, don'd Leah gry orful ven she hears dot. I dold you vat it is, dot's a shplaindid ding. Und quick come dem tears in your eyes und you look up ad de vall, so dot nobody can'd see dot, und you make oud you don'd care aboud it. But your eyes gits fulled up so quick dot you couldn'd keep dem in, und de tears comes down of your face like a shnow storm, und den you don'd care a tarn if efery body sees dot. Und Leah kisses her und gries like dot her heart's broke, und she dooks off dot gurse from Rudolph und goes avay. De child den dell her fader and muder aboud dot, und dey pring her back. Den dot mop comes back und vill kill her again, but she exposes dot skoolmaster, dot villen, und dot fixes him. Den she falls down in Rudolph's arms, und your eyes gits fulled up again, und you can'd see someding more. I like to haf as many glasses of beer as dere is gryin' chust now. You couldn't help dot any vay. Und if I see a gal vot don'd gry in dot piece, I voodn't marry dot gal, efen if her fader owned a pig prewery. Und if I see a feller vot don'd gry, I voodn't dook a trink of lager bier mit him. Vell, afder de piece is oud, you feel so bad, und so goot, dot you must ead a few pieces of hot stuff do drife avay der plues. But I told you vat it is, dot's a pully piece, I baed you, don'd it? THE SUPERFLUOUS MAN JOHN G. SAXE I long have been puzzled to guess, And so I have frequently said, What the reason could really be That I never have happened to wed; But now it is perfectly clear I am under a natural ban; The girls are already assigned-- And I'm a superfluous man! Those clever statistical chaps Declare the numerical run Of women and men in the world Is Twenty to Twenty-and-one: And hence in the pairing, you see, Since wooing and wedding began, For every connubial score They've got a superfluous man! By twenties and twenties they go, And giddily rush to their fate, For none of the number, of course, Can fail of the conjugal mate; But while they are yielding in scores To nature's inflexible plan, There's never a woman for me-- For I'm a superfluous man! It isn't that I am a churl, To solitude over-inclined, It isn't that I am at fault In morals or manners or mind; Then what is the reason, you ask, I'm still with the bachelor clan? I merely was numbered amiss-- And I'm a superfluous man!