CHARACTERS: Mrs. Malaprop; Lydia; Captain Absolute known to Lydia as "Beverley"; Sir Anthony; Servant. _Enter_ MRS. MALAPROP _and_ LYDIA MRS M. Why, thou perverse one!--tell me what you can object to in him?--Isn't he a handsome man?--tell me that. A genteel man? a pretty figure of a man? LYD. She little thinks whom she is praising. [_Aside_.] So is Beverley, ma'am. MRS. M. No caparisons, miss, if you please. Caparisons don't become a young woman. No! Captain Absolute is indeed a fine gentleman. LYD. Ay, the Captain Absolute you have seen. [_Aside_. MRS. M. Then he's so well bred;--so full of alacrity and adulation!--He has so much to say for himself, in such good language, too. His physiognomy so grammatical; then his presence so noble! I protest, when I saw him, I thought of what Hamlet says in the play:--"Hesperian curls--the front of Job himself! an eye, like March, to threaten at command! a station, like Harry Mercury, new"--Something about kissing--on a hill--however, the similitude struck me directly. LYD. How enraged she'll be presently, when she discovers her mistake! [_Aside_. _Enter_ SERVANT SERV. Sir Anthony and Captain Absolute are below, ma'am. MRS. M. Show them up here. [_Exit_ SERVANT.] Now, Lydia, I insist on your behaving as becomes a young woman. Show your good breeding, at least, though you have forgot your duty. LYD. Madam, I have told you my resolution; I shall not only give him no encouragement, but I won't even speak to, or look at him. [_Flings herself into a chair, with her face from the door_. _Enter_ SIR ANTHONY _and_ CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE SIR A. Here we are, Mrs. Malaprop; come to mitigate the frowns of unrelenting beauty,--and difficulty enough I had to bring this fellow. I don't know what's the matter, but if I had not held him by force he'd have given me the slip. MRS. M. You have infinite trouble, Sir Anthony, in the affair. I am ashamed for the cause! Lydia, Lydia, rise, I beseech you!--pay your respects! [_Aside to her_. SIR A. I hope, madam, that Miss Languish has reflected on the worth of this gentleman, and the regard due to her aunt's choice, and my alliance. Now, Jack, speak to her. [_Aside to him_. CAPT. A. What the devil shall I do? [_Aside_.]--You see, sir, she won't even look at me while you are here. I knew she wouldn't!--I told you so.--Let me entreat you, sir, to leave us together! MRS. M. I am sorry to say, Sir Anthony, that my affluence over my niece is very small. Turn round, Lydia, I blush for you! [_Aside to her_. SIR A. Why don't you begin, Jack? Zounds! sirrah! why don't you speak? [_Aside to him_. CAPT. A. Hem! hem! Madam--hem! [CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE _attempts to speak, then returns to_ SIR ANTHONY.] 'Faith! sir, I am so confounded!--and so--so confused! I told you I should be so, sir,--I knew it. The--the tremor of my passion entirely takes away my presence of mind. SIR A. But it don't take away your voice, does it? Go up, and speak to her directly!