The Christmas Day which followed this strange night proved the happiest
that Morris could ever remember to have spent since his childhood. In
his worldly circumstances of course he was oppressed by none of the
everyday worries which at this season are the lot of most—no duns came
to trouble him, nor through lack of means was he forced to turn any
beggar from his door. Also the baby was much better, and Mary’s spirits
were consequently radiant. Never, indeed, had she been more lovely and
charming than when that morning she presented him with a splendid gold
chronometer to take the place of the old silver watch which was his
mother’s as a girl, and that he had worn all his life. Secretly he
sorrowed over parting with that familiar companion in favour of its new
eighty-guinea rival, although it was true that it always lost ten
minutes a day, and sometimes stopped altogether. But there was no help
for it; so he kissed Mary and was grateful.
Moreover, the day was beautiful. In the morning they walked to church
through the Abbey plantations, which run for nearly half a mile along
the edge of the cliff. The rime lay thick upon the pines and firs—every
little needle had its separate coat of white whereon the sun’s rays
glistened. The quiet sea, too, shone like some gigantic emerald, and in
the sweet stillness the song of a robin perched upon the bending bough
of a young poplar sounded pure and clear.
Yet it was not this calm and plenty, this glittering ocean flecked with
white sails, and barred by delicate lines of smoke, this blue and happy
sky, nor all the other good things that were given to him in such
abundance, which steeped his heart in Sabbath rest. Although he sought
no inspiration from such drugs, and, indeed, was a stranger to them,
rather was his joy the joy of the opium-eater while the poison works;
the joy of him who after suffering long nights of pain has found their
antidote, and perhaps for the first time appreciates the worth of
peace, however empty. His troubled heart had ceased its striving, his
wrecked nerves were still, his questionings had been answered, his ends
were attained; he had drunk of the divine cup which he desired, and its
wine flowed through him. The dead had visited him, and he had tasted of
the delight which lies hid in death. On that day he felt as though
nothing could hurt him any more, nothing could even move him. The angry
voices, the wars, the struggles, the questionings—all the things which
torment mankind; what did they matter? He had forced the lock and
broken the bar; if only for a little while, the door had opened, and he
had seen that which he desired to see and sought with all his soul, and
with the wondrous harvest of this pure, inhuman passion, that owes
nothing to sex, or time, or earth, he was satisfied at last.
“Why did you look so strange in church?” asked Mary as they walked
home, and her voice echoed in the spaces of his void mind as words echo
in an empty hall.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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