But the next moment wrath at the idea of another man's child being
imposed upon him as his, with the consequent loss of his precious
money, swept every other feeling before it. For by law the child was
his, whoever might be the father of it. During a whole minute he felt
on the point of tying a stone about its neck, carrying it out, and
throwing it into the river Lea. Then, with the laugh of a hyena, he
set about arranging in his mind the proofs of her guilt. First came
eight childless years with himself; next the concealment of her
condition, and the absurd pretence that she had known nothing of it;
then the trouble of mind into which she had fallen; then her strange
unnatural aversion to her own child; and now, last of all, conclusive
of a guilty conscience, her flight from his house. He would give
himself no trouble to find her; why should he search after his own
shame! He would neither attempt to conceal nor to explain the fact
that she had left him--people might say what they pleased--try him for
murder if they liked! As to the child she had so kindly left to
console him for her absence, he would not drown him, neither would he
bring him up in his house; he would give him an ordinary education,
and apprentice him to a trade. For his money, he would leave it to a
hospital--a rich one, able to defend his will if disputed. For what
was the child? A monster--a creature that had no right to existence!
Not one of those who knew him best would have believed him capable of
being so moved, nor did one of them now know it, for he hid his
suffering with the success of a man not unaccustomed to make a mask of
his face. There are not a few men who, except something of the nature
of a catastrophe befall them, will pass through life without having or
affording a suspicion of what is in them. Everything hitherto had
tended to suppress the live elements of Duncan Dempster; but now, like
the fire of a volcano in a land of ice, the vitality in him had begun
to show itself.
Sheer weariness drove him, as the morning began to break, to lie down
again; but he neither undressed nor slept, and rose at his usual hour.
When he entered the dining-room, where breakfast was laid as
usual--only for one instead of two--he found by his plate, among
letters addressed to his wife, a packet directed to himself. It had
not been through the post, and the address was in his wife's hand. He
opened it. A sheet of paper was wrapped around a roll of unpaid
butcher's bills, amounting to something like eighty pounds, and a note
from the butcher craving immediate settlement. On the sheet of paper
was written, also in his wife's hand, these words: "I am quite
unworthy of being your wife any longer;" that was all.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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