“I presume, sir, this is your first visit to a playhouse, and truly, I think, with these sentiments, you would have done better to keep away. But as for the performance being given for charity— Faith, if you were to make such a suggestion to the manager he would tell you that charity began at home, I fancy. By the time he has paid his company, and defrayed the cost of the scenery—” “Paid the company,” interrupted John, “why, sir, do you mean to tell me that persons of such quality would condescend to play for hire? High-born ladies like—like the Duchess—” His neighbour positively gaped, and then bending forward gazed at him narrowly— “Sir,” he said, “I believe you are purposely acting the buffoon; you seek to impose on me by affecting an impossible ignorance—” “Upon my soul, sir,” cried simple John, who was now quite pale and could hardly speak for agitation, “’tis my first visit to such a place, and I—I happen to know some of these ladies and—” “So?” said the other with a grin. “Well, good country cousin, I will take pity on your innocence. These titles here are wholly fictitious, as indeed I think is easily seen; these names to the right are those which either belong properly to the actors and actresses, or are assumed by them for their greater convenience. Mrs Scully, for instance, who plays Lady Olivia, chooses rather to call herself Mrs Swynnerton, because the name has a better sound, while as for Miss Fitzroy, who is set down for the part of Lady Lucy, that I am sure must be an assumed name, but as it is the lady’s first appearance upon the boards, my information concerning her is scanty. I am informed that she is a pretty little creature, and likely to prove attractive. Now, sir, let me request that you will sit still. I assure you it is quite unnerving to see you bouncing about in your seat. Sit down; the curtain will rise in a moment; and let me inform you, since the business is novel to you, that the first duty of the playgoer is to refrain from disturbing the rest of the audience.” John sat still; indeed, once the curtain had risen, he remained so absolutely motionless that he might have been turned to stone.