Nobody never could make out what Chops done with his money. He had a
good salary, down on the drum every Saturday as the day came round,
besides having the run of his teeth,--and he was a woodpecker to
eat,--but all dwarfs are. The sarser was a little income, bringing him
in so many half-pence that he’d carry ’em, for a week together, tied up
in a pocket-handkercher. And yet he never had money. And it couldn’t be
the Fat Lady from Norfolk, as was once supposed; because it stands to
reason that when you have a animosity towards a Indian which makes you
grind your teeth at him to his face, and which can hardly hold you from
goosing him audible when he’s going through his war-dance,--it stands to
reason you wouldn’t under them circumstances deprive yourself to support
that Indian in the lap of luxury.
Most unexpected, the mystery came out one day at Egham races. The public
was shy of bein pulled in, and Chops was ringin his little bell out of
his drawin-room winder, and was snarlin to me over his shoulder as he
kneeled down with his legs out at the back door,--for he couldn’t be
shoved into his house without kneeling down, and the premises wouldn’t
accommodate his legs,--was snarlin: “Here’s a precious public for you;
why the devil don’t they tumble up?” when a man in the crowd holds up a
carrier-pigeon and cries out: “If there’s any person here as has got a
ticket, the Lottery’s just drawd, and the number as has come up for the
great prize is three, seven, forty-two! Three, seven, forty-two!” I was
givin the man to the furies myself, for calling of the public’s
attention,--for the public will turn away, at any time, to look at
anything in preference to the thing showed ’em; and if you doubt it, get
’em together for any individual purpose on the face of the earth, and
send only two people in late and see if the whole company ain’t far more
interested in taking particular notice of them two than you,--I say I
wasn’t best pleased with the man for callin out, wasn’t blessin him in
my own mind, when I see Chops’s little bell fly out of the winder at a
old lady, and he gets up and kicks his box over, exposin the whole
secret, and he catches hold of the calves of my legs and he says to me:
“Carry me into the wan, Toby, and throw a pail of water over me, or I’m
a dead man, for I’m come into my property!”
Twelve thousand odd hundred pounds was Chops’s winnins. He had bought a
half-ticket for the twenty-five thousand prize, and it had come up. The
first use he made of his property was to offer to fight the Wild Indian
for five hundred pound a side, him with a poisoned darnin-needle and the
Indian with a club; but the Indian being in want of backers to that
amount, it went no further.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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