"'A bob,' says he, laughing; 'a shillin', you know.'
"To get rid of his insolence for a while, I pulled out my purse and
handed him a shilling. It was a George II. with milled edges, not like
the things I see you use now. He held it up and looked at it, and then
he said again, 'Look here, you know, this isn't good. You'd better come
along with me straight to the station, and not make a fuss about it.
There's three charges against you, that's all. One is, that you're
drunk. The second is, that you're mad. And the third is, that you've
been trying to utter false coin. Any one of 'em's quite enough to
justify me in takin' you into custody.'
"I saw it was no use to resist, and I went along with him.
"I won't trouble you with the whole of the details, but the upshot of it
all was, they took me before a magistrate. By this time I had begun to
realize the full terror of the situation, and I saw clearly that the
real danger lay in the inevitable suspicion of madness under which I
must labour. When I got into the court I told the magistrate my story
very shortly and simply, as I have told it to you now. He listened to me
without a word, and at the end he turned round to his clerk and said,
'This is clearly a case for Dr. Fitz-Jenkins, I think.'
"'Sir,' I said, 'before you send me to a madhouse, which I suppose is
what you mean by these words, I trust you will at least examine the
evidences of my story. Look at my clothing, look at these coins, look at
everything about me.' And I handed him my purse to see for himself.
"He looked at it for a minute, and then he turned towards me very
sternly. 'Mr. Spottiswood,' he said, 'or whatever else your real name
may be, if this is a joke, it is a very foolish and unbecoming one. Your
dress is no doubt very well designed; your small collection of coins is
interesting and well-selected; and you have got up your character
remarkably well. If you are really sane, which I suspect to be the case,
then your studied attempt to waste the time of this court and to make a
laughing-stock of its magistrate will meet with the punishment it
deserves. I shall remit your case for consideration to our medical
officer. If you consent to give him your real name and address, you will
be liberated after his examination. Otherwise, it will be necessary to
satisfy ourselves as to your identity. Not a word more, sir,' he
continued, as I tried to speak on behalf of my story. 'Inspector, remove
the prisoner.'
"They took me away, and the surgeon examined me. To cut things short, I
was pronounced mad, and three days later the commissioners passed me for
a pauper asylum. When I came to be examined, they said I showed no
recollection of most subjects of ordinary education.
"'I am a chemist,' said I; 'try me with some chemical questions. You
will see that I can answer sanely enough.'
"'How do you mix a grey powder?' said the commissioner.
"'Excuse me,' I said, 'I mean a chemical philosopher, not an
apothecary.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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