Jealousy -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Painters -- France -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction
He should go on suffering thus, more and more, without expecting
anything. He should pass empty days, one after another, seeing her from
afar, living, happy, loved and loving, without doubt. A lover! Perhaps
she would have a lover, as her mother had had one! He felt within him
sources of suffering so numerous, diverse, and complicated, such an
afflux of miseries, such inevitable tortures, he felt so lost, so far
overwhelmed, from this moment, by a wave of unimaginable agony that he
could not suppose anyone ever had suffered as he did. And he suddenly
thought of the puerility of poets who have invented the useless labor
of Sisyphus, the material thirst of Tantalus, the devoured heart of
Prometheus! Oh, if they had foreseen, if they had experienced the mad
love of an elderly man for a young girl, how would they had expressed
the painful and secret effort of a being who can no longer inspire love,
the tortures of fruitless desire, and, more terrible than a vulture's
beak, a little blonde face rending a heart!
Musadieu talked without stopping, and Bertin interrupted him, murmuring
almost in spite of himself, under the impulse of his fixed idea:
“Annette was charming this evening.”
“Yes, delicious!”
The painter added, to prevent Musadieu from taking up the broken thread
of his ideas: “She is prettier than her mother ever was.”
To this the other agreed absent-mindedly, repeating “Yes, yes, yes!”
several times in succession, without his mind having yet settled itself
on this new idea.
Olivier endeavored to continue the subject, and in order to attract his
attention by one of Musadieu's own favorite fads, he continued:
“She will have one of the first salons in Paris after her marriage.”
That was enough, and, the man of fashion being convinced, as well as the
Inspector of Fine Arts, he began to talk wisely of the social footing on
which the Marquise de Farandal would stand in French society.
Bertin listened to him, and fancied Annette in a large salon full of
light, surrounded by men and women. This vision, too, made him jealous.
They were now going up the Boulevard Malesherbes. As they passed the
Guilleroys' house the painter looked up. Lights seemed to be shining
through the windows, among the openings in the curtains. He suspected
that the Duchess and the Marquis had been invited to come and have a cup
of tea. And a burning rage made him suffer terribly.
He still held Musadieu by the arm, and once or twice attempted to
continue, by contradicting Musadieu's opinions, the talk about the
future Marquise. Even that commonplace voice in speaking of her caused
her charming image to flit beside them in the night.
When they arrived at the painter's door, in the Avenue de Villiers,
Bertin asked: “Will you come in?”
“No, thank you. It is late, and I am going to bed.”
“Oh, come up for half an hour, and we'll have a little more talk.”
“No, really. It is too late.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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