Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual InversionEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual Inversion
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
his fortune to an institution for lads, as well as large legacies
to youths in whom he had been interested.
"The other time was on top of a tramcar when a grown-up man who
was near pressed as close to me as he could, began to talk,
praised my dark eyes, then put his hand on my thigh under my
loose cloak and felt up toward my parts. At the same time he took
hold of my hand, caressed it and put it over his parts (it was in
the dusk). This excited me and, if we had not been at our
destination, I think I would gladly have permitted further
familiarities. He tried to ask me where I lived, but there was no
time to answer, and the female relative who was with me (on
another seat) would no doubt have prevented this from having any
further sequel.
"On more than one occasion I have experienced the sexual orgasm
as the result of mental anxiety. The first time this occurred was
when I was hurrying to avoid being late for school. Another time
was when I was about 24, and was extremely anxious to fill an
appointment for which I was late. So copious was the emission
that I had to go home and change.
"As a medical student, the first reference bearing definitely on
the subject of sexual inversion was made in the class of Medical
Jurisprudence, where certain sexual crimes were alluded to--very
summarily and inadequately--but nothing was said of the existence
of sexual inversion as the 'normal' condition of certain unhappy
people, nor was any distinction drawn between the various
non-normal acts, which were all classed together as
manifestations of the criminal depravity of ordinary or insane
people. To a student beginning to be acutely conscious that his
sexual nature differed profoundly from that of his fellows,
nothing could be more perplexing and disturbing, and it shut me
up more completely in my reserve than ever. I felt that this
teaching must be based on some radical error or prejudice or
misapprehension, for I knew from my own very clear remembrance of
my own development that my peculiarity was not acquired, but
inborn; my great misfortune undoubtedly, but not my fault.
"It was still more unfortunate that in the course of the lectures
on Clinical Medicine there was not the slightest allusion to the
subject. All sorts of rare diseases--some of which I have not yet
met with in the course of twenty-one years of a busy
practice--were fully discussed, but we were left entirely
ignorant of a subject so vitally important to me personally, and,
as it seems to me, to the profession to which I aspired. There
might have been an incidental reference to masturbation--although
I do not remember it--but its real significance received no
attention; and what we students knew of it was the result of our
reading or of our personal experiences.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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