"In me the homosexual nature is singularly complete, and is undoubtedly congenital. The most intense delight of my childhood (even when a tiny boy in a nurse's charge) was to watch acrobats and riders at the circus. This was not so much for the skillful feats as on account of the beauty of their persons. Even then I cared chiefly for the more lithe and graceful fellows. People told me that circus actors were wicked, and would steal little boys, and so I came to look upon my favorites as half-devil and half-angel. When I was older and could go about alone, I would often hang around the tents of travelling shows in hope of catching a glimpse of the actors. I longed to see them naked, without their tights, and used to lie awake at night thinking of them and longing to be loved and embraced by them. A certain bareback rider, a sort of jockey, used especially to please me on account of his handsome legs, which were clothed in fleshlings up to his waist, leaving his beautiful loins uncovered by a breech-clout. There was nothing consciously sensual about these reveries, because at the time I had no sensual feelings or knowledge. Curiously enough, the women-actors repelled me then (as they do to this day) quite as strongly as I was attracted by the men. "I used, also, to take great pleasure in watching men and boys in swimming, but my opportunities for seeing them thus were extremely rare. I never dared let my comrades know how I felt about these matters, but the sight of a well-formed, naked youth or man would fill me (and does now) with mingled feelings of bashfulness, anguish, and delight. I used to tell myself endless stories of a visionary castle inhabited by beautiful boys, one of whom was especially my dear chum. "It was always the _prince_, in fairy tales, who held my interest or affection. I was constantly falling in love with handsome boys whom I never knew; nor did I ever try to mix in their company, for I was abashed before them, and had no liking nor aptitude for boyish games. Sometimes I played with girls because they were more quiet and gentler, but I cared for them little or not at all. "As is usually the case, my parents neglected to impart to me any sexual knowledge, and such as I possessed was gathered furtively from tainted sources, bad boys' talk at school and elsewhere. My elders let me know, in a vague way, that talk of the kind was wicked, and natural timidity and a wish to be 'good' kept me from learning much about sexual matters. As I never went to boarding-school, I was spared, perhaps, many of the degrading initiations administered by knowing boys at such institutions.