Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual InversionEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual Inversion
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
sex at this time," she wrote; "no knowledge of sexual matters or
practices, and the feelings evoked were feelings of pity and
compassion and tenderness for a person who seemed to be very sad
and very much depressed. It is this quality or combination of
qualities which has always made the appeal in my own case. I may
go on for years in comparative peace, when something may happen,
in spite of my busy practical life, to call it all out." The next
feelings were experienced when, she was about 11 years of age. A
young lady came to visit a next-door neighbor, and made so
profound an impression on the child that she was ridiculed by her
playmates for preferring to sit in a dark corner on the
lawn--where she might watch this young lady--rather than to play
games. Being a sensitive child, after this experience she was
careful not to reveal her feelings to anyone. She felt
instinctively that in this she was different from others. Her
sense of beauty developed early, but there was always an
indefinable feeling of melancholy associated with it. The
twilight, a dark night when the stars shone brightly; these had a
very depressing effect upon her, but possessed a strong
attraction nevertheless, and pictures appealed to her. At the age
of 12 she fell in love with a schoolmate, two years older than
herself, who was absorbed in the boys and never suspected this
affection; she wept bitterly because they could not be confirmed
at the same time, but feared to appear undignified and
sentimental by revealing her feelings. The face of this friend
reminded her of one of Dolce's Madonnas which she loved. Later
on, at the age of 16, she loved another friend very dearly and
devoted herself to her care. There was a tinge of masculinity
among the women of this friend's family, but it is not clear if
she can be termed inverted. This was the happiest period of Miss
M.'s life. Upon the death of this friend, who had long been in
ill health, eight years afterward, she resolved never to let her
heart go out to anyone again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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