Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual InversionEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual Inversion
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
"When 43, my mother gave birth to me, the youngest of 8 children.
Of those who grew to adult years, 2 seem quite normal sexually; 1
is exceedingly erratic, entirely unprincipled, has been a thief
and a forger, is a probable bigamist, and has betrayed several
respectable women. Aside from his having inordinate desire, I
know of no sexual abnormality. Another brother, married and a
father, as a boy was much given to infatuations for men. I fancy
this never went beyond infatuation and of late years has not been
noticeable. A third brother, single, though much courted by women
on account of his good looks and personal charm, is wholly
unresponsive, has no gallantry, nor was ever, to my knowledge, a
suitor. He is, however, fond of the society of women, especially
those older than he. He has a somewhat effeminate voice and walk.
Though he has begun of late years to smoke and drink a little,
these habits sit rather oddly upon him. When a child, one of his
favorite make-believe games was to pretend that he was a famous
woman singer. At school he was always found hanging around the
older girls.
"As a child I loved to stay in the fields, refused to wear a
sunbonnet, used to pretend I was a boy, climbed trees, and played
ball. I liked to play with dolls, but I did not fondle them, or
even make them dresses. When my hair was clipped, I was delighted
and made everyone call me 'John.' I used to like to wear a man's
broad-brimmed hat and make corn-cob pipes. I was very fond of my
father and tried to imitate him as much as possible. Where
animals were concerned, I was entirely fearless.
"I think I was not a sexually precocious child, though I seem to
have always known in a dim way that there were two sexes. Very
early I had a sense of shame at having my body exposed; I
remember on one occasion I could not be persuaded to undress
before a young girl visitor. At that time I must have been about
3. When I was 4 a neighbor who had often petted me took me on his
lap and clasped my hand around his penis. Though he was
interrupted in a moment, this made a lasting impression on me. I
had no physical sensation nor did I have any conception of the
significance of the act. Yet I had a slight feeling of repulsion,
and I must have dimly felt that it was wrong, for I did not tell
my mother. I was not accustomed to confide in her, for, though
truthful, I was secretive.
"At the age of 5 I commenced to attend a district school. I
remember that on my first day I was Greatly attracted by a little
girl who wore a bright-red dress.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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