Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual InversionEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 2: Sexual Inversion
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
"Regarding dreams, I will say that not until the past year or two
have I been conscious of having clear-cut dreams with definite
happenings. They seemed usually to leave only vague impressions,
such as a feeling that I had been riding horseback, or trying to
perform some hard task. Sexual dreams I do not recall having had
for several years, except that occasionally I am awakened by a
feeling of uncomfortable sexual desire, which seems usually
caused by a need to urinate. Between the ages of 17 and 22,
approximately, I frequently, perhaps several times a month, would
have vague sexual dreams. These always, I think, occurred when I
happened to be sleeping with someone whom, in my dream, I would
mistake for my intimate friend, and would awaken myself by
embracing my bedfellow with sometimes a slight, sometimes
considerable degree of passion. I have finally arrived at some
understanding of my own temperament, and am no longer miserable
and melancholy. I regret that I am not a man, because I could
then have a home and children."
HISTORY XXXIX.--Miss D., actively engaged in the practice of her
profession, aged 40. Heredity good, nervous system sound, general
health on the whole satisfactory. Development feminine but manner
and movements somewhat boyish. Menstruation scanty and painless.
Hips normal, nates small, sexual organs showing some
approximation toward infantile type with large labia minora and
probably small vagina. Tendency to development of hair on body
and especially lower limbs. The narrative is given in her own
words:--
"Ever since I can remember anything at all I could never think of
myself as a girl and I was in perpetual trouble, with this as the
real reason. When I was 5 or 6 years old I began to say to myself
that, whatever anyone said, if I was not a boy at any rate I was
not a girl. This has been my unchanged conviction all through my
life.
"When I was little, nothing ever made me doubt it, in spite of
external appearance. I regarded the conformation of my body as a
mysterious accident. I could not see why it should have anything
to do with the matter. The things that really affected the
question were my own likes and dislikes, and the fact that I was
not allowed to follow them. I was to like the things which
belonged to me as a girl,--frocks and toys and games which I did
not like at all. I fancy I was more strongly 'boyish' than the
ordinary little boy. When I could only crawl my absorbing
interest was hammers and carpet-nails. Before I could walk I
begged to be put on horses' backs, so that I seem to have been
born with the love of tools and animals which has never left me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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