Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in WomenEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 3: Analysis of the Sexual Impulse; Love and Pain; The Sexual Impulse in Women
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
She always got on well with men, and men were attracted to her.
She was direct and sincere, without undue modesty. But she never
allowed men to touch her or kiss her. She was a good dancer, and
fond of dancing, but denies that it ever led to sexual feelings.
She never felt any sexual attraction for a man until, at the age
of 20, she fell in love with her future husband five years or
more before marriage.
At this period she began to feel vague discomfort, which she knew
to be localized near her sexual organs. She was aware, in a dim
way, that it was connected with her love, and was of a sexual
nature. But there was no definite idea of sexual intercourse. She
felt nervous and depressed. If she had been asked to state what
would relieve her, she could only have said B.'s presence and
tenderness. A few days before he declared his love she
experienced the nearest approach to sexual feeling she had ever
had. It was summer and, with B. and some of her family, she had
gone on a little expedition. One evening, in the train after a
day's excursion, B. took her hand (unperceived by the others) and
held it for some time. This aroused the strongest emotions in
her; she closed her eyes, and, though she was not at the time
aware that her sensations were localized in her sexual organs,
she thinks, in the light of subsequent knowledge, that she then
experienced the orgasm.
During the engagement, which lasted between two and three years,
circumstances prevented frequent meetings. B. would kiss her,
suck her nipples, which became erect, and lie on her. She allowed
him to take these liberties, feeling that if she refused him all
satisfaction he might have relations with other women. She still
felt no definite desire for contact of the sexual organs. She
longed rather to be embraced and kissed, and to lie in her
lover's arms all night. A few months before marriage, however,
she masturbated occasionally, just before or just after
menstruation, imagining, while doing it, that she was in her
lover's arms. The act was usually followed by a sick feeling.
Just before marriage she underwent an operation for the relief of
the dysmenorrhea. She was somewhat shocked and sickened by the
experiences of the wedding night. It seemed to her that her
husband approached her with the violence of an animal, and there
was some difficulty in effecting entrance. Coitus, though
incomplete, took place some seven times on this first night. The
bleeding from rupture of the hymen continued, so that for two
days she had to wear a towel. For two months subsequently there
was great pain during intercourse, although she suppressed the
indications of this.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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