Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 5: Erotic Symbolism; The Mechanism of Detumescence; The Psychic State in PregnancyEllis, Havelock
Science
Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 5: Erotic Symbolism; The Mechanism of Detumescence; The Psychic State in Pregnancy
Ellis, Havelock
Sex; Sex (Psychology)
The following summer, when I was almost 11, I took a long walk
one day with my old friend, the girl E. We entered a patch of
woods and ate our lunch, but no sense of sexual drawing toward
the girl came over me and she did not offer to entice me. I
slept with her boy-cousin one night, and her neuropathic aunt, a
retired lady physician, bothered us by repeatedly creeping into
our room. I felt intuitively that she was watching to see whether
we would commit mutual masturbation--which we had no thought of
doing. Three years before I had opened the door of her bedroom
suddenly and saw E.'s naked form. The physician had been
examining her, E. told me later. My guardian also annoyed me by
repeated warnings not to play with myself.
Just before I turned 11 I was sent to a small and so-called
"home" boarding-school. Eight of us lived in the smaller
dormitory. The matron roomed downstairs. There was no resident
master--a serious error. We small boys were told to strip one
evening. We were then tied neck-to-neck and made to dance a
"slave-dance," which was marked by no sexuality. A boy of 15, R.,
one afternoon gave me the astonishing information that my father
had taken a part in my procreation. Up to this moment I had known
only of the maternal offices, information of which had been
beautifully supplied to me by my guardian when I was 7 years old.
At that time I talked freely about the coming of a baby brother
in a distant city; I watched the construction of baby clothes; I
named the newcomer, and I was momentarily disappointed when he
proved to be a girl. This same R., a strong boy with a large
penis, got into the custom of lying in bed with me just before
lights were put out. He would read to himself and occasionally
pause to pump his penis and make with his lips the sound of a
laboring locomotive. I felt impelled to handle his organ, for I
was fascinated by its size, and stiffness, and warmth. Rarely he
would titillate my then small and unerect penis. R. never
ejaculated when he was with me; hence not until my third year was
I acquainted with the appearance of a flow of semen. Sometimes R.
would stop during his dressing to manipulate his penis, but was
such a picture of rosy health that I doubt whether he brought
himself often to ejaculation. R. told me that he had been to a
brothel where his genitals were examined to determine whether
they were large enough and not diseased. He also related how he
"played cow" with a girl of his own age, she consenting to
perform _fellatio_ upon him. A dark-skinned, unwashed, pimpled
but fairly vigorous boy of 16, with an irritable domineering
manner, told me the delights of coitus with a girl in a
bath-house, and I overheard his conversation with another "old"
boy concerning the purchase of a girl in a big city for the sum
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