"Next in order would come our course in _The Bath; How to Give or Take One_. After that would come our fashionable course, _Dress; What to Wear and When_. Follow this with our complete course in _Domestic Science and Home Economy_, which, I might say, contains a menu for three meals a day for three hundred and sixty-five days, or a full year. When the breakfast is prepared and on the table, our course in _Etiquette and Table Manners, the Science of Good Form_. This teaches one what to do when at the table; how to eat rare and unusual food; which fork to use; disposing of the discard; what to say, and many other difficult questions that are wont to arise at the table. "Then comes the broad field of the day's work. Our courses cover, I might say, every known profession or employment from A to et cetera; from _Accounting to Zebra Raising_. For the evening a large number of courses will be found available. _Billiards, How to Become a Cue Expert_; _Bowling_, _Boxing_; _How to Train for the Ring_; _Dancing, Tango Taught in Ten Lessons_--" Mrs. Westfall began to show signs of distress, and the young man instantly changed his method of attack. "Madam," he said suddenly, "what is your hobby? What are you most interested in?" "Why--why missionary work, I think," she stammered. "Ha! I have just the thing! _How to Become a Missionary, Home or Foreign_. This is a most illuminating course, madam. Listen to some of the chapter headings: How to Approach a Heathen, Outwitting the Cannibals, Three Methods of Destroying Idols, How to Prove to a Savage That he is Naked, Junk from Missionary Societies--What to Do With it, 101 Ways to Raise Missionary Funds, etc., etc." "Or, we have a very fine course in _Philanthropy--the Science of Giving_. This course contains a lecture by Carnegie, one by Hettie Green, one by William Jennings Bryan, one by Jess Willard--no, that's another course--" "That's interesting; very interesting, but--" "Then perhaps I could interest this manly little fellow in something. The Inter-State Correspondence Schools make a specialty of the interests of boys, I might say. Are you interested in athletics, my lad? Baseball? Boxing? Broad-jumping? Football? Sailing? Swimming?--" [Illustration] Biscuit's interest was at once apparent. "Plain and fancy swimming and diving, surfboarding, how to dodge the breakers, how to cheat the undertow, rescue and resuscitation--can you swim, my lad?" "No, sir, but I wisht I could." "We have a very fine course in swimming, madam. We positively guarantee to teach swimming in ten lessons or money refunded. All the latest strokes: overhand, trudgeon, crawl, shoulder-stroke--" "No, not to-day," interrupted Mrs. Westfall. "It's too dangerous. I don't want my boy going into the water." "Aw, mama, let me learn to swim!" whined Biscuit. "I'm the only boy in town that can't swim!" "Karl! Be still! It's too dangerous!"