British -- France -- Fiction; Diary fiction; Epistolary fiction; Household employees -- Fiction; Love stories; Young women -- Fiction
"A thousand curses!" he cried; "a thousand curses on their heads who
have brought us all to this! It is not to be borne! It is a tangle of
fiends. Great God! To be loved by the two best women on earth, and
then, instead of happiness, to find it end in misery all round! It is
the work of devils! It is not to be borne!"
He remembered me at his side, and fought down his wrath. At last he
turned to me an ashen face, and began:
"There is much to say. Where will you sit down?"
"Nowhere," I answered. "No, do not touch me again. What there is to be
said ... say."
We stood an arm’s-length apart on the stones, and he spoke:
"Gertrude Langley," he said, "for five weeks I have loved you, and there
is no woman in the world, save you, that I ever did love or ever shall.
But, through a string of ghastly blunders hardly to be explained or even
believed, I have loved you under another name, and amid wildly false
notions of your station. Be hurt at nothing I shall say. I believed, on
twofold testimony, that you were Susan, your maid. Do not be galled or
insulted till you have heard me out."
"You cannot insult me," I said. "Besides, I know all."
"No!" he cried, "you do not know. You know that I have written Susan
letters, that I have badgered her to marry me, that I have followed her
to Sainte Véronique, and that I am to set eyes upon her to-morrow. But,
listen. I will tell you what you do not know. You don’t know that this
poor girl has a heart of gold, a soul of fire, a mind that is a fountain
of gems. Did you know that?"
"No," I said, "I did not."
He mistook my ghost of a smile. It stung him.
"Miss Langley," he said, "we have been wrong; you, and I, and all who
have been born, like you and me, to rank and wealth and leisure. Because
the novels are nearly all written round such lives as ours, we think
that the poor and the servile are without romance, without spirituality.
We are not quite sure that they have minds and hearts and souls of their
own. I say, we have been wrong. All Susan’s few letters to me, save
one, have been shy and hurried. But--though I say it in the ears of the
only woman I can ever love--there isn’t, there can’t be in all the
world, a nobler mind than this poor Susan’s, a sweeter heart, a purer
soul."
I did not answer. His calmness left him.
"You don’t see, you won’t see, you can’t see!" he cried. "Why will you
make me put it into words? You are shutting your eyes to the tragedy of
it all. Gertrude Langley, what would you have me do?"
I was given some dim sense of the greatness of his soul. Almost
mechanically, I replied:
"I would have you do only what is right."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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