Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"They took him to the hospital, and from then on to the opening night
he had nothing to do with his own play. The leading lady married the
stage manager till she got the stage to suit her, and then she married
the man who really does the managing until she got everything else to
suit her. Next, without letting any of the others know, she married
Elijah's manager secretly, so that when poor Elijah in the hospital
thought he was looking at his manager, he was really nursing a viper in
his bosom. When 'Liza Em'ly came back with her local color, they told
her they didn't want it because they was going to have the camping-out
scene in the parlor, and play the people all liked a joke. When she went
to a lawyer to protest, the lawyer looked through all Elijah's contracts
and said Elijah had never stipulated as the camping-out scene should be
in the woods. So 'Liza Em'ly paid him fifty dollars and come away a good
deal wiser than she went.
"Then come the opening night, and Mr. Kimball says he shall never forget
that opening night as long as he lives. You know he bought himself one
of those hats as when you sit on 'em just gets a better shape, and then
he went up to see his own nephew's own play. Seems he sat on his hat in
Elijah's own box, but he says Elijah was looking very bad even before
the curtain went up. Seems Elijah didn't expect much, but he did have
just a little hope that here and there in spots he'd see some of his own
play. But the hope was very faint. After the curtain went up, it kept
getting fainter. Of course Elijah meant it for a tragedy and called it
_Millicent_; and seeing the title changed to _Milly Tilly_ was a hard
blow to him right in the beginning. Seems the woman poisoned herself
because she was unhappy, and after she's dead, she remembers there was
some poison left in the bottle, and so she wants to warn the family. It
was a very nice plot, Polly White thinks, and Elijah was wild over it
'cause there's never been a plot used like it. But of course his idea
was as it should be took seriously. Do you wonder then, Mrs. Lathrop,
that the first time in the play when one of the play actors turned
round he nearly died? Mr. Kimball says he nearly died himself. He says
he never saw anything so funny as those chicken backs in all his life.
He says people was just laying any way and every way in their seats,
wailing to stop, so they could stop too. He says he was laughing fit to
kill himself when all of a sudden he looked up to see Elijah, and he
says nothing ever give him such a chill as Elijah's then-and-there
expression. Seems Elijah was just staring at the leading lady as was
flapping her wings and playing crow, while the gallery was pounding and
yelling like mad. And then Elijah suddenly shot out of the box and round
behind the scenes and vanished completely."
Mrs. Lathrop gasped and lifted her hands, but no word issued from
between her lips.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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