Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
kept my senses I don't pretend to say, more especially as he was on me
with one jump. There was no such thing as holding on to the candle, you
can see that. It dropped, and I never knew I dropped it. For, of course,
I shut my eyes, and when your eyes is shut, there's no knowing whether
there's a lighted candle about or whether there isn't."
In her agitation over the recital, Mrs. Lathrop, who was placing cups
and saucers on the table, let one of the cups slide crashing to the
floor. "Oh, Su--!" she exclaimed.
"You may well say: 'Oh, Susan!'" Miss Clegg continued. "There is times
when 'Oh, Susan' don't half express the state of affairs, and this was
one of 'em, Mrs. Lathrop. It wasn't in nature for me not to scream, so I
screamed, and it was that scream that did the business. It showed the
burglar I wasn't deaf and dumb, and people as isn't deaf and dumb is
looked on by burglars as their natural enemies. Maybe some people can
scream without opening their mouths, but I never was one of that kind,
and the kind as open their mouths when they scream is the kind that all
burglars prefer. It saves 'em the trouble of forcing apart their jaws. I
never shut my mouth after opening it; for the burglar just shoved
something in it as quick as scat, and then he tied a bandage around back
of my head so I couldn't spit it out. Then he picked me up and plumped
me down hard in a chair and tied me fast to it with my own clothesline.
And all the time he never no more opened his lips to speak than if he
couldn't. It's my opinion he must have had a cold and lost his voice.
Either that, or his voice was such a unpleasant voice he was ashamed to
let anybody hear it. For it ain't in common sense as a man, even if he
is a burglar, could keep as still as he did, if he had a speaking voice
that's in any way fit for use. I know in the time he took there was a
lot of things I felt to say to him, and would if I could, and common
sense'll tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, that he must have felt to say a lot of
things to me. But he didn't make so much as a peep behind his roller
towel."
"Did--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop, pouring the tea.
"I can't say as he did or he didn't. I haven't missed nothing yet, but
then I haven't looked. Still, if he didn't I can't say as I'd have much
respect for him. What sort of a burglar would a burglar be to take all
that trouble of breaking in, binding and gagging, and then go away
without helping himself to something for his trouble. I ain't got no
love for burglars in general or in particular. But any burglar as 'ld
do a fool trick like that I ain't got no respect for neither."
"How--?" queried her neighbor as she passed Susan her cup.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account