Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
Mrs. Lathrop, who had been standing all the while, dropped into a chair
at this point in dumb stupefaction. But Susan, who had been caught with
a bowl of batter in one hand and a spoon in the other, paused only to do
a little more stirring.
"Yes, sir," she went on, still apparently as pleased as punch. "The clue
belonged to Mr. Kettlewell and no one else, which led me to suspect
right away that the burglar must have robbed your house first. I knowed
very well that I never carried that clue home myself, though I'd said I
might, just for the sake of drawing Mr. Kettlewell on. And so how could
it have got into my mouth unless the burglar got it from Mr. Kettlewell
himself? But there is stranger things in this world than you and me ever
dreamed of, Mrs. Lathrop, and that was one of 'em. Mr. Kettlewell is a
very frank and open gentleman, and seeing how disturbed I was over
something, though I'd never so much as breathed burglar or burglary, he
made another confession. And when it comes to dreaming, there is very
few people, he said, as has the power to dream the way he does. He
don't just lie still in bed and picture things out in his sleep, but he
gets up and does the things he's dreaming about. He ain't got no
limitations in it, either. Sleepwalkers is more or less common. But
sleepwalkers just walk, and that ends 'em. Mr. Kettlewell says he very
seldom walks. He usually drives a automobile when he's dreaming, just as
he does when he's wide awake. Sometimes he comes to while he's driving,
and he's found himself often as much as a couple a hundred miles from
home, and without a cent in his clothes, the clothes usually being just
pajamas with nothing but a handkerchief in the pocket. Now, if you had
any imagination a _tall_, Mrs. Lathrop, you'd see what I'm coming to,
but as you haven't you don't, I can tell by the way you look. So you'll
get the full benefit of the surprise when I say that on Christmas night
Mr. Kettlewell distinctly remembers he dreamed of committing a burglary.
He says it wasn't my mince pie as did it, because he's often eaten
mince pie before and never dreamed nothing worse than going to the
electric chair; and it wasn't my stuffing neither, for turkey stuffing
when it's indigestible always makes him dream he's a monkey climbing
trees. He says once he woke up sudden and fell and broke his arm, but
that that was a long while ago. Now he's had more experience, he never
wakes up till he's safe back in bed again. And he says doughnuts causes
his dreams to run back to when he was a boy, and one time he come to,
after a after-dinner nap, when he had doughnuts for dessert, playing
marbles in the back alley with a lot of street urchins. I can tell you,
Mrs. Lathrop, he was most interesting. He's got all his dreams sort of
classified in that way, and can almost tell to a dot what he'll dream
about according to what he eats. And he says soggy biscuits always makes
him dream he's robbing a house or killing somebody. It was mighty lucky
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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