Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, you're right about that," Susan confirmed,
loosening her shawl, for the oil-stove was rapidly lifting the room's
temperature. "I don't see, myself, why anybody should ever have known
any better, and nobody would have, if it hadn't been as Jathrop took it
into his head to talk to a newspaper man at Atlantic City on about the
same day as I had him missing the cabin boy and refusing a helping to
the rabbit stew. Mr. Kimball showed me the paper as came from New York
wrapped around a new ledger he just received by express. The reporter
had written two columns and over about the 'Klondike Bonanza King,' and
if Jathrop had set his mind to makin' me out a Ananias and a Saphira
boiled into one, he couldn't have succeeded better. He hasn't been in
the Bahamas a _tall_. The yacht started for there, but it went to Cuba
instead, and he and his friends only stayed in Cuba a week. From there
they went down to Panama and looked over the canal as far as it's gone.
They spent the summer sailin' from one summer resort to another, and I
must say I should think there was better ways of passin' the time than
that. When it comes to eatin', I'd about as leave eat the dishes of a
cannibal cook as eat things made of the salt water that people go
bathin' in, and that's what they do at Atlantic City. The minister
showed me some candy 'Liza Em'ly sent him from Atlantic City in July,
and I know what I'm talkin' about, for it was printed on the paper
around each piece. 'Salt-water Taffy.' Think of that! It's plain to be
seen that they ain't got any fresh water there, or they wouldn't use
salt. Jathrop and the other millionaires, I suppose, drink nothin' but
wine, but the poor folks must drink salt water or go thirsty. I suppose
it saves salt in seasonin', but I'd rather have my vituals unseasoned
than have 'em salted with water that folks has swum in. They certainly
ain't got no enterprise, that's sure. If they had they'd pipe
water--fresh water--from somewheres. And if there's no place near enough
to pipe it from, they'd build cisterns. But water's not the only thing
as shows their shiftlessness. Our town isn't exactly a metropolis, but
we got a few cement sidewalks. Atlantic City ain't got a one. I heard
about that long ago. And in these days of progress, too! Nothing but a
board walk on its principal street--nothing a _tall_."
"What did--?" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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