Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' AffairsWarner, Anne
General
Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"Well, I ain't a-expectin' it anyhow. I 'm expectin' ruin, 'n' I can
hear it howlin' and nosin' around my house all night long. Somethin' was
swimmin' in the cistern last night, too,--if it made the other side safe
I 'm all right, but if it drowned there 'll be another bill. It ain't no
use your tryin' to cheer me up, Mrs. Lathrop, because I ain't to be
cheered. I know I 'm goin' to the poorhouse, 'n' I don't thank you nor
no other man for tellin' me to my face as what I know ain't so. Gran'ma
Mullins 'n' me is two very sad hearts these days, 'n' Heaven help us
both. To hear her talk you 'd think the Siamese twins was the sun and
moon apart compared to her 'n' Hiram, 'n' now she 's got to give him up
to Lucy Dill. She says Lucy ain't old enough to appreciate Hiram; she
says Lucy 'll expect Hiram to be pleased, 'n' Hiram ain't never pleased;
she says when Hiram keeps still 'n' don't say nothin' he's pleased, 'n'
when he goes to bed 'n' to sleep right off he 's real pleased. She says
Lucy won't understand, 'n' then there 'll be trouble. She says trouble
is a awful thing to have, 'n' she knows all about it 'cause she had it
with her husband. She says the only good o' havin' trouble with your
husband is the comfort you get out o' talkin' about it, 'n' that when
she thinks as Lucy 'll get her comfort out o' talkin' about Hiram she
pretty nearly gets up and goes right out of her mind."
Susan stopped suddenly; she had been standing with her basket in her
hand, in the attitude of one arrested for a moment's inquiry, throughout
this conversation.
"Did you--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, I did. It was n't no great joy, pinched as I am, but I believe in
doin' what you can for people gettin' married--God help 'em--'n' I give
'em each somethin'. I give Lucy a very good pair of scissors as mother
had, as always grabs me in the joint so I can't use 'em, 'n' I give
Polly our best carvin' knife. They was both sharp things, so they each
had to give me a cent to hold on to friendship. I know two cents ain't
much, but it 's better 'n nothin', 'n' I may tell you in confidence,
Mrs. Lathrop, as all my presents 'll be sharp right along from now on."
Mrs. Lathrop raised her eyebrows to testify to the acute perception
which had grasped her friend's point at once.
"Are you--" she asked presently.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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