Napoleonic Wars, 1800-1815 -- Fiction; War stories
Cosmo thought to himself vaguely that the girl he had seen in
Cantelucci's kitchen did not look like a woman gardener, though of
course if Attilio had a love affair it would be naturally amongst people
of that sort. But it occurred to him that perhaps it was some other
woman Attilio was talking about. He made no movement. Attilio's murmurs
took on a tone of resignation. "Your luck, signore, will depart with
you, and perhaps ours will follow after." Cosmo protested against that
unreasonable assumption, which was of course an absurdity but
nevertheless touched him in one of those sensitive spots which are like
a _défaut d'armure_ in the battle-harness of various conceits which one
wears against one's kind. He considered luck less in a sudden
overwhelming conviction of it, in the manner of a man who had crossed
the path of a radiating influence, or who had awakened a sleeping and
destructive power which would now pursue him to the end of his life. He
was young, farouche, mistrustful and austere, not like a stoic, but in
the more human way like a man who has been born fastidious. In a sense
altogether unworldly. Attilio emitted an audible sigh.
"You won't call it your luck," he pursued. "Well, let us leave it
without a name. It is something in you. Your carelessness in following
your fantasy, signore, as when you forced your presence on me only two
days ago," he insisted, as if carelessness and fantasy were the
compelling instruments of success. His voice was at its lowest as he
added: "Your genius makes you true to your will."
No human being could have been insensible to such words uttered
unexpectedly in a tone of secret earnestness. But Cosmo's inward
response was a feeling of profound despondency. He was crushed by their
appalling unfitness. For the last twenty-four hours he had been asking
himself whether he had a will of his own, and it had seemed to him that
he had lost the notion of the real nature of courage. At that very
moment while listening to the mysteriously low pitch of Attilio's voice
the thought flashed through his mind that there was something within him
that made of him a predestined victim of remorse.
"You can't possibly know anything about me, Attilio," he said, "and
whatever you like to imagine about me, you will have to put me on shore
presently. I can't stay here till the morning, and neither can you," he
added. "What are you thinking of doing? What can you do?"
"Is it possible that it is of any interest to the signore? Only the
other evening I could not induce you to leave me to myself, and now you
are impatient to leave me to my fate. What can I do? I can always take a
desperate chance," he paused, and added through his clenched teeth, "and
when I think what little I need to make it almost safe . . ." The
piously uttered exclamation, "_Ah, Dio!_" was accompanied by a shake of
a clenched fist apparently addressed to the universe, but made as it
were discreetly, in keeping with the low and forcible tones.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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