Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
Sylvia sat in silence, pondering his words. Suddenly she became aware
that he was gazing at her eagerly. “Miss Castleman,” he began, his voice
trembling slightly, “what I want above all else is your friendship. I’d
do anything to win it—I’d give up anything in the world. I have a regard
for you—a most intense admiration. If I knew it would make me mean
something to you—why then, I’d be willing to go to any extreme, to defy
everybody else. But suppose I do this, and I’m left all alone——”
“If you did this you’d have new friends—real friends.”
“But the friend I want is _you_!”
Sylvia answered, “If you did what was right because it was right, if you
showed yourself willing to dare something for the sake of principle—why
then, right away you’d become worth while. You’d not have to ask for my
friendship.”
He hesitated. “Suppose—suppose that I should find that I wanted _more_
than friendship——”
She had been prepared for that—and she stopped him instantly.
“Friendship comes first,” she said.
“But,” he pleaded, “give me some idea. Could I not expect——”
“You asked me to be a friend to you, to help you by telling you the
truth. That is what we have been discussing. Pray let there be no
mistake about it. Friendship comes first.”
Why did Sylvia take such a course with him? You would have a false idea
of her character if you did not realize that it was the first time she
had ever done such a thing—and that it was a hard thing for her to do.
To refuse to let a man propose to her! To forbear to draw him on, to
investigate him, to see what he would reply to various baffling remarks!
It was not because she was engaged to Frank Shirley. Under the code
which Lady Dee had taught her that made simply no difference whatever.
Under that code it was her duty to secure every man who came into her
reach; she might remain uncertain in her own mind, she might continue to
explore and experiment up to the very moment when the wedding ring was
slipped upon her finger. Sylvia had never forgotten Aunt Lady’s vivid
image: “Stand them up in a line, my child, and when you get ready, walk
down the line and pick the one you want!”
She had set up a barrier before van Tuiver, and he pushed against it.
The more firm she made it, the more he was moved to push. But suppose
she gave way the least little bit, suppose he felt the barrier
breaking—then would he not stop pushing, would he not shrink away? What
fun to try him, to watch him hesitating, advancing and retreating,
trembling with desire and with terror! To analyze the mixture of his
longing and his caution, to add a little to the one or the other, and
then see the result. Sylvia with a new man was like a chemist’s
assistant, mixing strange liquids in a test-tube, possessed with a craze
to know whether the precipitate would be red or green or yellow—and
quite undeterred by the possibility of being blown through the skylight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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