Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Women -- Conduct of life -- Fiction
She pitied him when she saw him, for his face was drawn and his look
haunted. He, the man of fashion, the exemplar of good taste, stood
before her like a whipped schoolboy, afraid to lift his eyes to hers.
He began, in a low voice, “It is kind of you to see me. There is
something I wish to try to explain to you. I want you to know that I
have thought over what you have said to me. I have hardly thought of
anything else. I have tried to see things from your point of view, Miss
Castleman. I know I have seemed to you monstrously egotistical—selfish,
and all that. I have felt your scorn of me, like something burning me. I
can’t bear it. I simply must show you that I am really not as bad as I
have seemed. I want you to realize my side of it—I mean, how much I’ve
had against me, how hard it was for me to be anything but what I am.”
He paused. He had his hat in his hands, and Sylvia observed to her
dismay that he was twisting it, for all the world like a nervous
schoolboy.
“I want to be understood,” he said, “but I don’t know if you are
willing—if I bore you——”
“Pray go on, Mr. van Tuiver,” she said, in a gentler tone of voice than
she had ever used to him before.
“This is the point!” he burst out. “You simply can’t know what it’s
meant to be brought up as I was! I’ve come to realize why you hate me;
but you must know that you’re the first who ever showed me any other
viewpoint than that of money. There have been some who seemed to have
other viewpoints, but they were only pretending, they always came round
to the money viewpoint, they gave the money reaction. If you try things
by a certain measure, and they fit it, you come to think that’s the
measure they were made by. And that’s been my experience; since I was a
little child, as far back as I can remember—men and women and even
children, everybody I met was the same—until I met you.”
He stopped, waiting for her to give some sign. Her eyes caught his and
held them. “How was I able to convince you?” she asked.
“You—” he said—and then hesitated. “You’ll be angry with me.”
“No,” she said, “go on. Let us talk frankly.”
“You refused to marry me, Miss Castleman.”
“That was the supreme test?” He shrank, but she pursued him. “You hadn’t
thought that any woman would really refuse to marry you?”
He replied in a low voice: “I hadn’t.”
Sylvia sat, absorbed in thought. “What a world!” she whispered, half to
herself; and then to him: “Tell me—is Mrs. Winthrop like that?”
Again he hesitated. “I—I don’t know,” he replied. “I never thought about
her in that way. She already has her money.”
“If she still had to get it, then you don’t know what she’d be?”
She saw a quick look of fear. “You’re angry with me again?” he
questioned. By things such as this she realized how thoroughly she had
him cowed.
“No” she said, gently, “I’m really interested. I do see your side
better. I have blamed you for being what you are, but you’re really only
part of a world, and it’s this world that I hate.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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