“You think so?” he replied, in a tone of gentle pity. “Yet my friend tells me that the ‘_disordered and dispirited foe_’ simply meant the Statesmen who happened to be in power at the moment; that the ‘_pursuit_’ simply meant ‘Obstruction’; and that the words ‘_they had routed the enemy_’ simply meant that the ‘Opposition’ had succeeded in hindering the Government from doing any of the work which the Nation had empowered them to do!” I thought it best to say nothing. “It seemed queer to _us_, just at first,” he resumed, after courteously waiting a minute for me to speak: “but, when once we had mastered the idea, our respect for your Nation was so great that we carried it into every department of life! It was ‘_the beginning of the end_’ with us. My country never held up its head again!” And the poor old gentleman sighed deeply. “Let us change the subject,” I said. “Do not distress yourself, I beg!” “No, no!” he said, with an effort to recover himself. “I had rather finish my story! The next step (after reducing our Government to impotence, and putting a stop to all useful legislation, which did not take us long to do) was to introduce what we called ‘the glorious British Principle of Dichotomy’ into _Agriculture_. We persuaded many of the well-to-do farmers to divide their staff of labourers into two Parties, and to set them one against the other. They were called, like our political Parties, the ‘Ins’ and the ‘Outs’: the business of the ‘Ins’ was to do as much of ploughing, sowing, or whatever might be needed, as they could manage in a day, and at night they were paid according to the amount they had _done_: the business of the ‘Outs’ was to hinder them, and _they_ were paid for the amount they had _hindered_. The farmers found they had to pay only _half_ as much wages as they did before, and they didn’t observe that the amount of work done was only a _quarter_ as much as was done before: so they took it up quite enthusiastically, _at first_.” “And _afterwards_——?” I enquired. “Well, _afterwards_ they didn’t like it quite so well. In a very short time, things settled down into a regular routine. No work _at all_ was done. So the ‘Ins’ got no wages, and the ‘Outs’ got full pay. And the farmers never discovered, till most of them were ruined, that the rascals had agreed to manage it so, and had shared the pay between them! While the thing lasted, there were funny sights to be seen! Why, I’ve often watched a ploughman, with two horses harnessed to the plough, doing his best to get it _forwards_; while the opposition-ploughman, with three donkeys harnessed at the _other_ end, was doing _his_ best to get it _backwards_! And the plough never moving an inch, _either_ way!” “But _we_ never did anything like _that_!” I exclaimed. “Simply because you were less _logical_ than we were,” replied Mein Herr. “There is _sometimes_ an advantage in being a donk—Excuse me! No _personal_ allusion intended. All this happened _long ago_, you know!”