“How can that be?”
“Who should hinder it?”
His brother, hesitatingly, said “Yourself.”
“Myself!--What part of myself? Is it my tongue?--You’ll acknowledge,
brother, that I do not speak with the brogue.”
It was true that Phelim did not speak with any Irish brogue: his mother
was an English woman, and he had lived much with English officers
in Cork, and he had studied and imitated their manner of speaking so
successfully, that no one, merely by his accent, could have guessed that
he was an Irishman.
“Hey! brother, I say!” continued Phelim, in a triumphant English tone;
“I never was taken for an Irishman in my life. Colonel Broadman told me
the other day, I spoke English better than the English themselves; that
he should take me for an Englishman, in any part of the known world, the
moment I opened my lips. You must allow that not the smallest particle
of brogue is discernible on my tongue.”
His brother allowed that not the smallest particle of brogue was to be
discerned upon Phelim’s tongue, but feared that some Irish idiom might
be perceived in his conversation. And then the name of O’Mooney!
“Oh, as to that, I need not trouble an act of parliament, or even a
king’s letter, just to change my name for a season; at the worst, I can
travel and appear incognito.”
“Always?”
“No: only just till I’m upon good terms with the lady ---- Mrs. Phelim
O’Mooney, that is to be, God willing. Never fear, nor shake your head,
brother; _you_ men of business are out of this line, and not proper
judges: I beg your pardon for saying so, but as you are my own brother,
and nobody by, you’ll excuse me.”
His brother did excuse him, but continued silent for some minutes;
he was pondering upon the means of persuading Phelim to give up this
scheme.
“I would lay you any wager, my dear Phelim,” said he, “that you could
not continue four days in England incognito.”
“Done!” cried Phelim. “Done for a hundred pounds; done for a thousand
pounds, and welcome.”
“But if you lose, how will you pay?”
“Faith! that’s the last thing I thought of, being sure of winning.”
“Then you will not object to any mode of payment I shall propose.”
“None: only remembering always, that I was a bankrupt last week, and
shall be little better till I’m married; but then I’ll pay you honestly
if I lose.”
“No, if you lose I must be paid before that time, my good sir,” said his
brother, laughing. “My bet is this:--I will lay you one hundred guineas
that you do not remain four days in England incognito; be upon honour
with me, and promise, that if you lose, you will, instead of laying down
a hundred guineas, come back immediately, and settle quietly again to
business.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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