Hitherto we have only professed to teach the defensive; let me now
recommend to you the offensive part of the art of justification. As a
supplement to reasoning comes recrimination: the pleasure of proving
that you are right is surely incomplete till you have proved that your
adversary is wrong; this might have been a secondary, let it now become
a primary object with you; rest your own defence on it for further
security: you are no longer to consider yourself as obliged either to
deny, palliate, argue, or declaim, but simply to justify yourself by
criminating another; all merit, you know, is judged of by comparison. In
the art of recrimination, your memory will be of the highest service to
you; for you are to open and keep an account-current of all the faults,
mistakes, neglects, unkindnesses of those you live with; these you are
to state against your own: I need not tell you that the balance will
always be in your favour. In stating matters or opinion, produce the
words of the very same person which passed days, months, years before,
in contradiction to what he is then saying. By displacing, disjointing
words and sentences, by mis-understanding the whole, or quoting only a
part of what has been said, you may convict any man of inconsistency,
particularly if he be a man of genius and feeling; for he speaks
generally from the impulse of the moment, and of all others can the
least bear to be charged with paradoxes. So far for a husband.
Recriminating is also of sovereign use in the quarrels of friends;
no friend is so perfectly equable, so ardent in affection, so nice in
punctilio, as never to offend: then “Note his faults, and con them all
by rote.” Say you can forgive, but you can never forget; and surely
it is much more generous to forgive and remember, than to forgive and
forget. On every new alarm, call the unburied ghosts from former fields
of battle; range them in tremendous array, call them one by one to
witness against the conscience of your enemy, and ere the battle is
begun take from him all courage to engage.
There is one case I must observe to you in which recrimination
has peculiar poignancy. If you have had it in your power to confer
obligations on any one, never cease reminding them of it: and let them
feel that you have acquired an indefeasible right to reproach them
without a possibility of their retorting. It is a maxim with some
sentimental people, “To treat their servants as if they were their
friends in distress.”--I have observed that people of this cast make
themselves amends, by treating their friends in distress as if they were
their servants.
Apply this maxim--you may do it a thousand ways, especially in company.
In general conversation, where every one is supposed to be on a footing,
if any of your humble companions should presume to hazard an opinion
contrary to yours, and should modestly begin with, “I think;” look as
the man did when he said to his servant, “You think, sir--what business
have you to think?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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