I remember hearing, some years afterwards, a Frenchman, who had been in
imminent danger of been guillotined by Robespierre, and who at last was
one of those who arrested the tyrant, declare, that when the bustle and
horror of the revolution were over, he could hardly keep himself awake;
and that he thought it very insipid to live in quiet with his wife and
family. He further summed up the catalogue of Robespierre’s crimes,
by exclaiming, “D’ailleurs c’étoit un grand philanthrope!” I am not
conscious of any disposition to cruelty, and I heard this man’s speech
with disgust; yet upon a candid self-examination, I must confess, that
I have felt, though from different causes, some degree of what he
described. Perhaps _ennui_ may have had a share in creating revolutions.
A French author pronounces ennui to be “a moral indigestion, caused by a
monotony of situations!”
I had no wife or family to make domestic life agreeable: nor was I
inclined to a second marriage, my first had proved so unfortunate, and
the recollection of my disappointment with Lady Geraldine was so
recent. Even the love of power no longer acted upon me: my power was
now undisputed. My jealousy and suspicions of my agent, Mr. M’Leod,
were about this time completely conquered, by his behaviour at a general
election. I perceived that he had no underhand design upon my boroughs;
and that he never attempted or wished to interfere in my affairs,
except at my particular desire. My confidence in him became absolute
and unbounded; but this was really a misfortune to me, for it became the
cause of my having still less to do. I gave up all business, and
from all manner of trouble I was now free: yet I became more and more
unhappy, and my nervous complaints returned. I was not aware that I was
taking the very means to increase my own disease. The philosophical Dr.
Cullen observes, that “whatever aversion to application of any kind may
appear in hypochondriacs, there is nothing more pernicious to them than
absolute idleness, or a vacancy from all earnest pursuit. It is owing to
wealth admitting of indolence, and leading to the pursuit of transitory
and unsatisfying amusements, or exhausting pleasures only, that the
present times exhibit to us so many instances of hypochondriacism.”
I fancied that change of air and change of place would do me good; and,
as it was fine summer weather, I projected various parties of pleasure.
The Giants’ Causeway, and the Lake of Killarney, were the only things I
had ever heard mentioned as worth seeing in Ireland. I suffered myself
to be carried into the county of Antrim, and I saw the Giants’ Causeway.
From the description given by Dr. Hamilton of some of these wonders of
nature, the reader may judge how much I _ought_ to have been astonished
and delighted.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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