Tales and Novels — Volume 05: Tales of a Fashionable LifeEdgeworth, Maria
General
Tales and Novels — Volume 05: Tales of a Fashionable Life
Edgeworth, Maria
Fiction
little value amongst my competitors, and therefore I despised it; and,
overpowered by numbers and by ridicule, I was, of course, led into all
sorts of folly, by mere _mauvaise honte_. Had I been in the habit of
exercising my own judgment, or had my resolution been strengthened by
degrees; had I, in short, been prepared for a school, I might, perhaps,
have acquired, by a public education, a manly, independent spirit. If
I had even been wholly bred up in a public school, I might have been
forced, as others were, by early and fair competition, to exercise my
own powers, and by my own experience in that microcosm, as it has been
called, I might have formed some rules of conduct, some manliness
of character, and might have made, at least, a good schoolboy. Half
home-bred, and half school-bred, from want of proper preparation,
one half of my education totally destroyed the other. From school, of
course, I went to college, and at college, of course, I should have
become one of the worst species of college lads, and should have had
no chance, in my whole future life, of being any thing but a dissipated
fool of fashion, one of the _Four-in-Hand Club_, or the _Barouche Club_,
or the _Tandem Club_, or the _Defiance Club_, had not I, by the greatest
good fortune, met with such a friend as you, and, by still greater good
fortune, found you out for myself; for if my mother had recommended you
to me, I should have considered you only as a college tutor; I should
never have discovered half your real merit; I doubt whether I should
have even seen that you are young and handsome: so prejudiced should I
have been with the preconceived notion of a college tutor, that I am not
certain whether I should have found out that you are a gentleman as well
born and well bred as myself; but, be that as it may, I am positive that
I never should have made you my companion and friend; I should never
have thrown open my whole soul to you, as I have done; nor could you
ever have obtained such wondrous power as you possess over my mind, if
you had been recommended to me by my mother.”
“I am sorry,” said Russell, smiling, “that, after so many wise
reflections, and so many fine compliments, you end by proving to me that
my wondrous power is founded on your wondrous weakness. I am mortified
to find that your esteem and friendship for me depended so much upon my
not having had the honour of your mother’s recommendation; and have not
I reason to fear, that now, when I have a chance of becoming acquainted
with Lady Mary Vivian, and, perhaps, a chance of her thinking me a fit
companion and friend for her son, I must lose his regard and
confidence, because I shall labour under the insuperable objection of an
affectionate mother’s approbation?”
“No, no,” said Vivian; “my wilful folly does not go quite so far as
that. So that I maintain the privilege of choosing my friends for
myself, I shall always be pleased and proud to find my mother approve my
choice.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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