I am afraid that I am growing selfish, and I am sure that I have become shamefully indolent. I go on with certain occupations every day from habit, not from choice; my mind is not in them. I used to flatter myself that I did many things, from a sense of duty and of general benevolence, which I am convinced were done merely from a particular wish to please, and to make myself more and more beloved by the object of my fondest affection. Disappointed in this hope, I sink into indolence, from which the desire to entertain my friends is not sufficient to rouse me. Helen has been summoned away; but I believe I told you that Mr. and Mrs. F----, whose company is peculiarly agreeable to my taste, and Lady M---- and her amiable daughters, and your witty friend ----, are with us. In such society I am ashamed of being stupid; yet I cannot contribute to the amusement of the company, and I feel surprised at their animation and sprightliness. It seems as if I was looking on at dances, without hearing any music. Sometimes I fear that my silence should be observed, and then I begin to talk, without well knowing what I am saying. I confine myself to the most common-place subjects, and hesitate, from the dread of saying something quite foreign to the purpose. What must Mr. L---- think of my stupidity? But he does not, I believe, perceive it: he is so much occupied with--with other objects. I am glad that he does not see all that passes in my mind, for he might despise me if he knew that I am so miserable. I did not mean to use so strong an expression; but now it is written, I will not blot it out, lest you should fancy something worse than the reality. I am not, however, yet so weak as to be seriously _miserable_ when I have no real cause to be so. The truth is ----. Now you know this phrase is a tacit confession that all that has been said before is false. The real truth is ----. By my prefacing so long you may be sure that I have reason to be ashamed of this real truth’s coming out. The real truth is, that I have been so long accustomed to be the first and _only_ object of Mr. L----‘s thoughts, that I cannot bear to see him think of any thing else. Yes, _things_ I can bear; but not _persons_--female persons; and there is one person here, who is so much more agreeable and entertaining than I am, that she engrosses very naturally almost all his attention. I am not _envious_, I am sure; for I could once admire all Lady Olivia’s talents and accomplishments, and no one could be more charmed than I was, with her fascinating manners and irresistible powers of pleasing; but when those irresistible powers may rob me of the heart of my beloved husband--of the whole happiness of my life--how can I admire them? All I can promise is to preserve my mind from the meanness of suspicion. I can do my rival justice. I can believe, and entreat you to believe, that she does not wish to be my rival: that she is perfectly innocent of all design to