Tales and Novels — Volume 10: HelenEdgeworth, Maria
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Tales and Novels — Volume 10: Helen
Edgeworth, Maria
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
Then stopping short, he fixed his eyes upon Helen with an expression
that she was afraid to understand. It could hardly bear any
interpretation but one--and yet that was impossible--ought to be
impossible--from a man in Beauclerc’s circumstances--engaged--almost a
married man, as she had been told to consider him. She did not know at
this moment what to think--still she thought she must mistake him,
and she should be excessively ashamed of such a mistake, and now more
strongly felt the dread that he should see and misinterpret or interpret
too rightly her emotion; she walked on quicker, and her breath grew
short, and her colour heightened. He saw her agitation--a delightful
hope arose in his mind. It was plain she was not indifferent--he looked
at her, but dared not look long enough--feared that he was mistaken. But
the embarrassment seemed to change its character even as he looked, and
now it was more like displeasure--decidedly, she appeared displeased.
And so she was; for she thought now that he must either be trifling
with her, or, if serious, must be acting most dishonourably;--her good
opinion of him must be destroyed for ever, if, as now it seemed, he
wished to make an impression upon her heart--yet still she tried not to
think, not to see it. She was sorry, she was very wrong to let such an
idea into her mind--and still her agitation increased.
Quick as she turned from him these thoughts passed in her mind,
alternately angry and ashamed, and at last, forcing herself to be
composed, telling herself she ought to see farther and at least to be
certain before she condemned him--condemned so kind, so honourable a
friend, while the fault might be all her own; she now, in a softened
tone, as if begging pardon for the pain she had given, and the injustice
she had done him, said some words, insignificant in themselves, but from
the voice of kindness charming to Beauclerc’s ear and soul.
“Are not we walking very fast?” said she, breathless. He slackened
his pace instantly, and with a delighted look, while she, in a hurried
voice, added, “But do not let me delay you. There is the boat. You must
be in haste--impatient!”
“In haste! impatient! to leave you, Helen!” She blushed deeper than he
had ever seen her blush before. Beauclerc in general knew--
“Which blush was anger’s, which was love’s!”
--But now he was so much moved he could not decide at the first glance:
at the second, there was no doubt; it was anger--not love. Her arm was
withdrawn from his. He was afraid he had gone too far. He had called her
Helen! He begged pardon, half humbly, half proudly. “I beg pardon; Miss
Stanley, I should have said. I see I have offended. I fear I have been
presumptuous, but Lady Davenant taught me to trust to Miss Stanley’s
sincerity, and I was encouraged by her expressions of confidence and
friendship.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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