Tales and Novels — Volume 10: HelenEdgeworth, Maria
General
Tales and Novels — Volume 10: Helen
Edgeworth, Maria
England -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Women -- England -- Fiction
in the morning would be ‘Victory, victory!’
“I hated myself for admitting the thought, and yet there it was; I let
it in, and could not get it out. From what an indescribable mixture of
weak motives or impulses, and often without one reasonable principle, do
we act in the most important moments of life. Even as I opened the door
of his room I hesitated, my heart beat forebodingly, but I thought I
could not retreat, and I went in.
“He was standing on the hearth looking weary, but a reviving smile came
on seeing me, and he held out his hand--‘My comfort always,’ said he.
“I took his hand, and, hesitating, was again my better self; but I would
not go back, nor could I begin with any preface.--Thank Heaven that was
impossible. I began:--
“‘Davenant, I am come to ask you a favour, and you must do it for me.’
“‘I hope it is in my power, my dear,’ said he; ‘I am sure you would not
ask--’ and there he stopped.
“I told him it was in his power, and that I would not ask it for any
creature living, but--’ He put his hand upon my lips, told me he knew
what I was going to say, and begged me not to say it; but I, hoping to
carry it off playfully, kissed his hand, and putting it aside said, ‘I
must ask, and you must grant this to my mother.’ He replied, ‘It cannot
be, Anne, consistently with public justice, and with my public duty.
I--’
“‘Nonsense, nonsense,’ I said, ‘such words are only to mask a refusal.’
_Mask_, I remember, was the word that hurt him. Of all I could have
used, it was the worst: I knew it the instant I had said it. Lord
Davenant stepped back, and with such a look! You, Helen, who have seen
only his benign countenance, his smiling eyes, cannot conceive it. I am
sure he must have seen how much it alarmed me, for suddenly it changed,
and I saw all the melting softness of love.
“Oh fool! vain wicked fool that I was! I thought of ‘victory,’ and
pursued it. My utmost power of persuasion--words--smiles--and tears I
tried--and tried in vain; and then I could not bear to feel that I had
in vain made this trial of power and love. Shame and pride and
anger seized me by turns, and raised such a storm within me--such
confusion--that I knew not what I did or said. And he was so calm!
looked so at least, though I am sure he was not. His self-possession
piqued and provoked me past all bearing. I cannot tell you exactly
how it was--it was so dreadfully interesting to me that I am unable to
recall the exact words; but I remember at last hearing him say, in a
voice I had never before heard, ‘Lady Davenant!’--He had never called
me so before; he had always called me ‘Anne:’ it seemed as if he had
dismissed me from his heart.
“‘Call me Anne! O call me Anne!’
“And he yielded instantly, he called me Anne, and caressing me, ‘his
Anne.’ ‘O Helen! never do as I did.’ I whispered, ‘Then, my love, you
will do this for me--for me, your own Anne?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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