When I found myself alone in my paternal home, a crowd of gloomy
feelings came thronging upon me. It was a place that always
seemed to sober me, and bring me to reflection. Now, especially,
it looked so deserted and melancholy; the furniture displaced
about the room; the chairs in groups, as their departed occupants
had sat, either in whispering tête-à-têtes, or gossiping
clusters; the bottles and decanters and wine-glasses, half
emptied, and scattered about the tables—all dreary traces of a
funeral festival. I entered the little breakfasting room. There
were my father’s whip and spurs hanging by the fire-place, and
his favorite pointer lying on the hearth-rug. The poor animal
came fondling about me, and licked my hand, though he had never
before noticed me; and then he looked round the room, and whined,
and wagged his tail slightly, and gazed wistfully in my face. I
felt the full force of the appeal. “Poor Dash!” said I, “we are
both alone in the world, with nobody to care for us, and we’ll
take care of one another.” The dog never quitted me afterwards.
I could not go into my mother’s room: my heart swelled when I
passed Within sight of the door. Her portrait hung in the parlor,
just over the place where she used to sit. As I cast my eyes on
it I thought it looked at me with tenderness, and I burst into
tears. My heart had long been seared by living in public schools,
and buffeting about among strangers who cared nothing for me; but
the recollection of a mother’s tenderness was overcoming.
I was not of an age or a temperament to be long depressed. There
was a reaction in my system that always brought me up again at
every pressure; and indeed my spirits were most buoyant after a
temporary prostration. I settled the concerns of the estate as
soon as possible; realized my property, which was not very
considerable, but which appeared a vast deal to me, having a
poetical eye that magnified everything; and finding myself, at
the end of a few months, free of all farther business or
restraint, I determined to go to London and enjoy myself. Why
should not I?—I was young, animated, joyous; had plenty of funds
for present pleasures, and my uncle’s estate in the perspective.
Let those mope at college and pore over books, thought I, who
have their way to make in the world; it would be ridiculous
drudgery in a youth of my expectations.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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