Tales of a Vanishing RiverReed, Earl H. (Earl Howell)
History
Tales of a Vanishing River
Reed, Earl H. (Earl Howell)
Illinois -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Kankakee River (Ind. and Ill.) -- Fiction; Short stories, American
The mention of fire in connection with his whiskers must have suggested
something to Wirrick, for, when he appeared without them the following
week, he said that he hated a razor, couldn’t find any shears, and had
“frizzled ’em off with a candle.”
Bill was shocked at his appearance.
“You look like you was half naked. I see now w’y you been keepin’ that
ol’ mug o’ your’n covered up. You’ve got a bum face. You git busy an’
git all the whiskers you can right away!”
The next arrival was Swan Peterson, an aged Swede, who lived in a
dilapidated shack, festooned on the inside with rusty muskrat traps,
near the mouth of “Crooked Creek.” His liver had rebelled against many
years of unfair treatment, and his visage was of a greenish yellow. A
prodigious white moustache, that suggested a chrysanthemum in full
bloom, accentuated the evidence of his ailment. He was considerably over
six feet tall. The years of hardship and isolation had bent his mighty
shoulders and saddened his gray eyes. Peterson was cast in a heroic
mould. His ancestors were the sea wolves who roved over perilous and
unknown waters, and met violent deaths, in years when the Norse legends
were in the making, but their wild forays and stormy lives meant nothing
to him. He had no interest in the past or traditions to uphold. All he
now wanted in the world was plenty of patent medicine and whiskey to mix
with it, and in a pinch, he could get along without the medicine.
The jaundiced Viking came slowly up on to the platform, looked us over
languidly, and commented on the general cussedness of the weather and
life’s monotonies.
“I ban har fifty years, an’ I seen the same damn thing ev’ry year all
over again. It ban cold in winter an’ hot in summer. I eat an’ sleep,
an’ eat an’ sleep some more, an’ work hard all day, an’ then eat an’
sleep—ev’ry day the same damn thing. I ban takin’ medicine now five
years, an’ I can’t git none that’s got any kick. Mebbe I got some o’
them things that Rass Wattles says Wahoo Bitters’ll cure, but mebbe I
got something else that they didn’t know about when they mixed that
stuff. I find mixin’ half Wahoo an’ half whiskey ban some help, but I’m
goin’ to try some other bitters an’ mix in more whiskey. That whiskey
ban a good thing, an’ when I get a good thing I put a sinker on it.”
[Illustration:
SWAN PETERSON
]
Old “Doc” Dust drove up in a squeaky buggy with an ancient top. His lazy
gray mare seemed glad to get her feet into the hollowed ground in front
of the hitching rail.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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